11 tips: promoting independence for children
Children have a natural urge to become independent. We reveal how parents can gently support their children – without putting pressure on them. 11 tricks to promote child independence.
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The most important prerequisite for our loved ones to become independent is the so-called "Basic trust". Children need to be sure that they are loved unconditionally, regardless of success or failure. This way they can courageously take the first steps towards independence.
Of course, children don’t become self-employed overnight, but they start wanting to make their own decisions early on. Parents accompany their children on this path and often have to learn to let them walk alone for a bit longer.
"Children learn to make good decisions >(Alfie Kohn, "Love and independence – the art of unconditional parenthood")
Our tips: This is how you promote your child’s independence in a very natural way
1. Allow space, let discover
Children need time and space to test their own skills in the area. But as parents we are of course worried and afraid that something will happen to our children. Then quickly slips in "No" or "You’re still too small for that" over the lips.
We can try to make such decisions more consciously and take back our own fears somewhat – and, for example, let the child on the monkey bars if he believes in himself and we suspect that he can actually do it alone.
2. Allow initiative
Your child has a suggestion or an idea? Wonderful! Anyone who takes young people seriously now promotes independence and self-confidence enormously. Discuss the extent to which the child’s ideas can be implemented.
3. Have your own experiences
Young children in particular have their very own way of approaching new things. To promote your child’s independence, just let them try it out – even if that doesn’t mean everything "right" makes. (And let’s face it: what’s the matter? "right"? In the end, we adults can still learn a lot from our little ones.)
4. Let decisions be made
What do I want to wear today? Who do I want to invite to my birthday party? You also need to be able to make good decisions: if we let our children take the reins more often – especially when it comes to things that affect them themselves – you will learn step by step.
5. Do not lose weight
Yes, it is often quicker or tidier if we do it ourselves. Still, don’t take things off your child that they can actually do on their own. So your child can continue to perfect things such as dressing, undressing, smearing bread or tying bow ties, and at some point will master them as well as mom and dad.
6. Let conflicts be resolved if possible
Social interaction also requires independence. As long as the little ones are not physically wrestling with each other and there is a risk that they will injure themselves, older children in particular should be allowed to independently search for solutions to conflict situations. You learn to make compromises, to assert yourself or to back out.
7. Transfer responsibility
Let your child help in the household, maybe even make beautiful rituals of how to prepare dinner together. If your child is old enough and / or has the wish himself, he can also plan shopping, a meal or an excursion – of course, the offspring can decide what to eat or where to go. Great for self-confidence! The responsibility to keep your own room (more or less) tidy is also a good step to promote the independence of children.
8. Create a sense of achievement
"Yes, I can!" When we do tasks "deal with", that were challenging but doable flows through a feeling of happiness. This also applies to children. Important: give your offspring the necessary time.
Success stories when learning? It’s easy with scoyo:
9. Anger and frustration are okay
If something doesn’t work right away, don’t keep your child from closing "fail". It is important that it learns how to deal with failures. Show that negative feelings are perfectly okay and understandable. It can learn to accept that everything does not always work the first time – and try again later.
10. Make clear agreements, show trust
If your child wants to do something on his own that gives you some discomfort, first show how well you like the suggestion / idea. But also create clear framework conditions that the child must adhere to so that they can do it all by themselves. For example, have your child walk alone as soon as they are old enough and know their way around safely. Arrange times, when it should be at home and what it does in the event of a delay. Homework and learning should also be left to the child with increasing age if the framework conditions have been determined together beforehand.
11. Encourage, catch up
Encourage your child and show them that you believe in them. And if something does go wrong: consolation and encouragement are the best way to promote self-confidence and independence.
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