Hello. Hey, drugs. Sit down. Yes, right there on the mirror is fine.
No, you are not in trouble. We need to talk.
# 15. Don’t tell my kids about what we’re doing here
Johanna Goodyear // Getty Images
OK. Yes! Where were we? Yes!
Look, drugs, it is important to be frank and honest about our need to keep my children’s secrets from being shared. You never know what you and I are doing here. Never.
# 14. I love her, I love her so much
But it’s more than love. There are simply things you don’t understand about the medication. Things only a parent can know. You would have to use words that do not exist to describe the feeling. Foozitance. It gives you a deep feeling of foozitance.
Keith Brofsky / Photodisc / Getty Images
It’s love, foozitance and even some scropularity. There is so much work, drugs, there is so much work. But the Scropularity and Lamf are definitely worth it.
# 13. Open a window
No, not because of the smell. But, yes, the smell. No, above all I didn’t feel like writing, is everything.
David De Lossy / Photodisc / Getty Images
People have to be free. We have these arms and legs that were born running for hitting stones in the Dukes. Windows are important.
# 12. You’ll think I’m such a fuck-up man
You are clever, children; You are so smart. You don’t know how, book things yet, however turn them off while learning how they don’t even fuck fuck ever
Ozgur Coskun // Getty Images
You will know that something is wrong. You’ll find out what a loser your father is like everyone else, and refuse to give me credit, and then judge my pants decisions. and then.
# 11. Animal crackers are not even crack crackers.
Johanna Goodyear // Getty Images
Seriously, drugs, animal crackers are like little cookies, you know? And half the time they don’t look like animals themselves because they have their heads cut off or some shit. You should be named. Terror corpse cookies.
# 10. My parents must have had a conversation with their drugs
Having a child really puts a lot of your own life into perspective. How, it widens your inner eye. No, not the rectum. No, it makes you see things. After all, how do you see your parents, not as parents but as fellow human beings and drug users.
Brand X Images / Stockbyte / Getty Images
How much valium to take to tolerate this?
They must have had the exact same conversation with their drugs as they did. I would have tear-assing out there with my ferris wheel, and if they were in the kitchen talking to a big bag with princes or something. Size Bikes. Bikes. Circles. Cycle of life.
# 9. How are the drugs when they are adults?
I mean they’re going to inject or download right into their brains or what? Or what, drugs?
Tonkovic // Getty Images
Answer me.
No. No! My kids are too good for this. You won’t be a disaster like the old man. Listen to me, drugs.
If so, there was an open market for fathers, I wouldn’t do well. I would like to be at the end of the rest. Like the dollar CD compartment for fathers. Teenagers would me ironically, just buy to make fun of me. I would be the John Denver fathers Christmas album.
I have to clean up myself, drugs. I have to be a better class of CD for my kids. I have to be like the fathers John Denver’s greatest hits album.
#8th. I want a pony too, sometimes
Johanna Goodyear // Getty Images
Seriously, if I were to fuck a bike I would have a pony.
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