Because I want it so … Educational counselor gut feeling
Laying down a baby, crying … There are so many clever books and people on the topic of Early Childhood Education. And there are actually good books, but what does my gut feel? Intuitively, we do not know best what is good for our babies?
Because I want it that way and not otherwise … which teaches me the defiance phase of my son
“Because I want it that way!” Almost daily I hear these words from my 4-year-old son Miguel. Miguel knows exactly what he wants and what he does not want for his age. And once he has expressed his will, he can rarely be dissuaded, unless mom or dad have compelling reasons to counter with “I do not want to!”.
His strong will makes us smile. At the same time, it shows us again and again how easy it can be to express your will without feeling compelled to justify your decisions.
As you can already imagine, this blog post is about “Because I want it that way”. However, I will not write about Miguel’s wishes and dislikes, but rather about what I want as a mom and what I do not want.
Specifically, I would like to pick up on the topic of parenting and thus the generational conflict between authoritarian parenting style and the approaches of attachment parenting. Since I am not an expert in this field, I would like to give you – should you want to know more about it – an absolutely worth reading post The most desired child of all time recommend: “to lay down babies, to cry, to sleep alone”.
Far away from all theory, the following is about my perspective as a mom and thus about my own personal generation conflict.
Baby belly and gut feeling
Twice 9 months a baby grew up in my stomach. With each passing day, I built a closer connection to the unborn baby, later to the newborn, then to my baby and ultimately to a growing toddler. This invisible connection, which exists between mom and child, became ever stronger, more and more intimate, more loving.
And then suddenly it was time, I was officially allowed to call me mom. Something automatically changed in me, I got to know each other again and suddenly it was again: the gut feeling. In the hustle and bustle of the previous months, I often felt lost my gut feeling, I had been so influenced by my outside world that the mind was usually faster than the stomach.
One look at my baby, one touch, and there it was again, that familiar feeling that, without much advice, simply knows what’s good for me and, in the future, for my baby. My baby is crying, so I’m picking it up. My baby is writhing, so I’m stroking his tummy. My baby begins to squirm restlessly in her sleep, the next nursing meal is due. Of course, it is not always that easy. After all, you often do not even know what the baby is missing, why it is crying. And yet you feel what you have to do, because you hear the cry for help: “Mom, I need you now!” And if that also means that you live sleepless nights, that hurts the back of many carrying or his own Having to warm up the coffee for the third time because a breather just is not in there. You are ready for all these “victims” and you soon realize that it is working, somehow, but it works and you are satisfied.
The gut feeling robbers
It becomes difficult when the confrontation with the outside world is imminent. In addition to the midwife, many other people around us now know that this was right for us and that our baby is. Grandma knows that, her own mother knows it, worried friends and acquaintances know it and of course the Internet knows it too.
“My baby does not like driving!” – “Well, the little man (3 months) will not be a little spoiled by the many carrying ?!”
“My baby does not fall asleep alone when I put it on the couch or in his cot!” – “It’s clear if you put it in the sling all the time. It learns to fall asleep alone, but has worked for you as a baby too. “
“My baby does not take the vial with Grandma!” – “Of course, if you always put it right to your chest, when it starts getting restless.”
And then come the “well-intentioned advice,” which could be something like this:
“You do not always have to react the same way when he screams. If he is not hungry and the diaper is dry, nothing is missing. “
“He has to learn that you can not always stop driving. Then he shouts 15 minutes. That does not hurt him either. And then he sleeps already. “
Okay, then I can make life easier, right? Then he just screams, that lays down again. Where would we go, would we treat all babies so and always react the same when they squeak? “It’s no wonder that today’s youth are so far away.”
Now it’s over! I do not want that!
Today was such a day again. I was overwhelmed with well-intentioned advice. Well, they were actually meant, that is not meant sarcastically and I appreciate the advice in a certain way. After all, they should make life easier for me as a mom. But and here‘s the big but: How I educate my children, I decide, out of my gut feeling, listening to my own intuition as a mother.
What does my intution advise me to do??
I want to carry my baby on the body, as often and until I decide for myself that it will be too much for me. For me, this is the best way to do my job as a mom and a businesswoman. It may sound harsh, but I can not lie down to bed with my baby every 2-3 hours at the risk of falling asleep myself. I run a company, I have a household to run and I have a 4 year old son who also wants to be employed. I am flexible in the cloth, I can move and I have my baby with me.
I want to breastfeed my baby whenever I feel that he is doing well. It does not matter if 1 or 3 hours have passed since the last nursing meal. On a hot summer’s day, he’ll crave more fluids than a cool fall day. And since it has now been proven that frequent breastfeeding does not trigger colic or the like, there is nothing wrong with listening to one’s own gut feeling.
I stop at the exact moment when both of us, mom and baby, are ready. At Miguel this was the case after about 13 months. Previously, I had started half-hearted attempts, all of which had encountered resistance. At thirteen months I felt the urgent need to breastfeed. Miguel seemed to feel this, and so, without much effort on my part, he reached for his water bottle when he got thirsty at night.
I do not want to make my baby scream! Maybe I’m just too sensitive, too sensitive or in need of harmony. But let my baby cry, even if only for a few minutes, I do not want that. “Your baby just has to learn that you can not always jump right away!” Does it have to? For real? No question, if I’m in the bathroom or open the postman, then I can not see right after my baby. I demand that moment patience from him, that’s what I’m telling him. Even though we’re on the highway right now and my baby is screaming, I can not possibly stop right away to calm it down. But whenever I have the opportunity to calm it, I will do it. Can you give too much closeness, what do you mean?
As a devoted wearing and breastfeeding mom, I sometimes give more than 100% of the time when viewed from the outside. I have bad nights, I feel at times powerless and exhausted and I long for time for myself. And yet I am prepared to give up the first years of my children’s life to many a need of their own. Not because it’s written in the Attachment Parenting Guides, but just because it feels right for me. Oh how easy life would be, would we always listen to what our gut feeling tells us? Especially in terms of parenting we are the experts, because no one knows our children as we do, you do not think so?
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