May 26, 2019 9:00 am
Column: A twin rarely comes alone
Published by twinsandmoretwins
The bad mummy’s conscience!
It’s always there, but we’re perfect for our kids.
Who doesn’t know this feeling that follows when you…
…secretly eating children’s chocolate
…in the afternoon despite sunshine for the children inside the television switches on
…yells at the kids because you’re stressed.
…gives the children on vacation mostly only fries to eat
…who’s gotten rid of kids because you’ve got too much to do on your cell phone.
…the children served ready meals instead of freshly cooked food
Yeah, I know that feeling all too well.
Two babies cry… which one do you put in your arms first? 4 babies cry…hmmm!
When the children are in bed in the evening, I often think about the fact that I didn’t really cuddle one or more of them during the day. So in everyday life with the children and always on the go, it doesn’t really stand out if you haven’t paid a lot of attention to a child. But when they all sleep and I think about the daily routine, it’s almost as if I miss the “neglected” child completely.
Neglected? Yes, and that is exactly the bad conscience that speaks.
Of course I didn’t neglect my child. He ate, drank, had fun, laughed a lot, was the whole day in the sights of Mamas trained eagle eyes and still I wonder if I could not have given something more.
The other day we were at the theme park. Unfortunately we could not try out the best attractions, because 4 children and one adult…is not possible with most attractions. The children have wanted to go swimming for ages, but with four under 4 years I can’t guarantee the safety of all.
“Mama, will you lift me up again and play plane with me?” Unfortunately that doesn’t work, because all 4 children were already 2 times on it, that makes altogether 8 times airplane play with 10-15kg weight in each case. The back sends greetings! But who wants to stop flying after 2 times?
When a kid gets sick.
If one of the 4 children is sick and I take care of this child all day long and hold it in my arms, yes the other 3 just can’t play outside. Dressing up is also rather bad, because mum doesn’t have time to help everyone with changing clothes. On the way to the doctor we pass the playground and 3 healthy children beg to be allowed to slide only a few times. The sun is shining outside and just because one child is sick, everyone has to sit in the waiting room. Even sitting on Mama’s lap is rather bad, because the sick child is already sitting there.
Already on such a day I am sorry that I can no longer offer the healthy children. And I feel terrible, because I have to lay down the sick child all the time to cook for everyone, to accompany the children to the toilet, etc.
Two kids are sick.
Three kids are sick.
Four kids are sick…. yes, you can imagine who’s suddenly at the door. The bad conscience again.
Everyone wants to cuddle, all day long of course and everyone wants them to Mamas undivided attention and love. How do you explain to 2 crying, sick children that you can’t hold them right now because there are already 2 others sitting there? My personal self-criticism as a mom has a lot to do with the fact that I can hardly offer my 4 children any time as individuals.
Let’s get this straight, there’s the “bad conscience” and the “bad mommy conscience”.
A bad conscience is indispensable for a functioning society. It is part of our value system and often leads us to excuse ourselves, so actually it is something good. The bad mummy conscience, on the other hand, is a bit more complicated. Most of the time the mamas didn’t even do something wrong. It’s almost as if as a mom you get a little gift for the birth of your own child…the totally superfluous “bad mummy conscience”.
Like with all the work, we still have time to blame ourselves.
In the eyes of our children, we are heroes.
As bad as we sometimes feel as mamas, let’s not forget that we are heroes in the eyes of our children. You one and all. They look up to us and are we honest, most of the time the little ones have forgotten after a few minutes what we are worried about for hours or days and reproach ourselves for.
I would be very interested to know what the bad mummy conscience makes you think of. If you like, please comment or contact me on Instagram @twinsandmoretwins
Dear Rebecca we thank you for this super interesting report, and look forward to your next topics.
You can accompany Rebecca and Family through the day on @twinsandmoretwins
Rebecca has her own monthly column at BARRIO. It will continue in June for you.