Everyday life with children: how I manage to stay patient and loving

So here is my personal 14 point strategy:

1. Rethink values and priorities

What is important to me? What can I do without? What feels good What makes me happy?

2. Make a clear decision

I can only change if I set my sights firmly on something and really want it.

3. Visualize how I want to be

For this I always imagined what the person should look like to whom I would turn with grief. The person whose shoulder I would like to cry on.

4. Feel within me

I am loving, only sometimes I close my heart when I am afraid or feel attacked. Then I close emotionally. That is why I always try to feel myself in my “warm sides” so that they are more present in conflict situations. I watch what that means to me (my words & my behavior) and what it does to my counterpart.

5. Listen to my heart

Because this is a very good compass and guide!

6. Practice

I’ve been practicing daily for years and don’t let myself be discouraged by bad days.
(see also "I don’t want to become like him! I want to educate non-violently!")

7. Focus on progress

During my bulimia therapy I often hung my head when I had a relapse. My therapist showed me that relapse per week is a huge step forward to vomiting several times a day. That burned itself into my head for all situations in life: to be happy about what I’ve already done and not to go down for mistakes.

8. Free from perfectionism

We are all people with strengths and weaknesses. Point.

9. Give me time

I mean two different things. For one, to give myself time and take good care of myself (go to yoga, take a bath, sleep enough). Secondly, to be patient with me. New goals can usually never be reached from now on, but only step by step.

10. Don’t give up

There were times when I felt like the most terrible mother in the world. Sitting in a corner crying because the children were crying because of me. But I never stayed in this corner, I always started from point 1.

11. Sorry

If I hurt and goofy, then I stand by my mistake and apologize. Always. With my children too.

12. Be honest

It was a drastic experience for me when I first said in public that I have bulimia. I wasn’t laughed at. Suddenly I wasn’t worth less. My experience has been that honesty always creates connections and creates trust + opportunities. That’s why I also honestly talk to my children (child-friendly) about my feelings and my behavior.

13. You are not to blame

My nestlings must never believe that it is their fault if I behave harshly and repellent. They are the trigger at most, but never the reason!

14. Remember: "Love Heals"

"True love does not judge. That is their main characteristic. It accepts, accepts and lets it happen. Nothing can prevent you from meeting the whole world and yourself with love – instead of devastating judgments. Understand, accept and try to help wherever you can. Just to do something better out of love for the world and people. " (Source)

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