Little children, little worries – big children, big worries. Conflicts between parents and their adult children are often particularly delicate.
Quarrels literally occur in the best families, conflicts are a normal and important part of everyday life. Because: Different people have different needs, wishes and hopes, which cannot always be brought down to a common denominator.
When it comes to finding a solution to a conflict, things are sometimes not calm and factual. Ultimately, however, a thunderstorm cleans the air – and in the best case, a family dispute leads to a compromise that everyone can live with.
In order to live happily ever after, conflicts are absolutely necessary. Because only if everyone exchanges what they want can all wishes be taken into account. And that it gets a bit louder during the conversations is natural: The more we are attached to a person, the more emotional the discussions with him are. And nobody is closer to us than our own family.
Conflicts between parents and children arise as soon as the children enter the Trotzphase come. Then they begin to develop their own will – and they want to enforce it. Parents and children are also not spared from arguments in primary school. As you know, the real thing is in the puberty.
The adolescent begins to cut himself off from the core family and builds up his own life bit by bit. As an adult, he did it – and that makes conflicts between parents and adult children so delicate.
Dispute between parents and adult children
As long as the (adult) children are not yet on their own two feet – earning their own money, having their own apartment – they are dependent on their parents. Primarily, of course, financially and therefore existentially, but above all on an emotional level.
However, the children have her own life built up, they go about their work and they have a firm circle of friends, a partner or even their own family, "need“They no longer necessarily have their parents to (survive) life, the parents are no longer responsible for them.
For Conflicts between parents and adult children So there is no need to find a solution – after all, you can (more or less) just avoid each other. And in the worst case, the contact breaks off after a violent or long-lasting family dispute.
Establish contact …
The more messy the situation, the more uncomfortable it becomes to deal with the conflict issues. Frustration has been pent up for years, which makes it difficult to find a satisfactory solution.
On Contact demolition often appears as the only way out and is mostly nothing other than self-protection. Ultimately, violent and ongoing conflicts in the family are very nerve-wracking.
Nevertheless, the bond that connects parents and children is a strong one. That lasts forever. And a break in contact rarely makes you really happy.
The love between parents and children is special, and the pain, the despair after a break in contact on both sides is enormous.
That is why it is extremely important to re-establish contact. Either side has to take the first step, even if it takes a lot of effort. But in the end, the first step is a very simple one: Register, write a message, call, pay a visit.
No matter how: break the silence!
… and find each other again
Only when the first step has been taken is there a chance to find each other again. But: For this to really work, both sides have to make an effort – and change a bit.
Live your own life: If the children moved out of their parents’ house, this means a big change for both sides. The children lack the leading hand, the orientation, the parents one of their largest tasks – namely the education of their children. The umbilical cord process is not easy for both sides, but only if both sides live their own, contented lives is there a basis for finding one another again.
Appreciate each other: Just as important as living your own life is accepting and appreciating that of the other side. Even if the (new) lifestyle of your parents or children does not meet your expectations. This shows respect and is extremely important if a family dispute is to be settled.
Establish new rules: The reason for many family disputes is often that the external circumstances have changed completely, but the expectations remain the same. Become clear to yourself how your life should look together in the future so that you are happy. Establish new rules for yourself, draw new boundaries and talk about them.
Forgive one another: A lot has accumulated over the years of living together. And it is often not easy to just forgive disappointment, anger and frustration. But in the end both sides made mistakes and after an apology or trying to make amends, you should forgive them – for your own peace of mind and family harmony.
Do something together: Nice activities with the family strengthen cohesion and create new, pleasant memories that over time make the unpleasant fade away. Make time for each other and build a new foundation for one happy family.
A happy family – what does that mean?
Everyone wants a happy family. But what does that mean? That there are never arguments, there is always sunshine? Certainly not.
In a happy family there is a trusting cooperation, an open discussion culture and a respectful treatment. You don’t always have to approve of someone else’s actions or thoughts, and you can also be of a divided opinion.
If there are (loud) arguments, that’s perfectly fine. Only one should look for solutions in a family dispute. After a dispute between parents and adult children, the supposedly easier way, breaking contact, is ultimately always the more difficult. Mutually.
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