Children immediately notice when you are not completely on the ball and continue doing what they are so busy with: jumping around on the sofa, annoying the sister and of course playing very peacefully. Everything more attractive than what parents of them expect: hurry up, tidy up, brush your teeth, wash your hands and all other annoying things. Sure, listening away is tempting.
The child doesn’t hear? This is how the voice works
Going there is one thing – but of course what you say is just as crucial. And also: as you say. Voice, body language and words have to match. “The words and their music belong together,” says the Danish family therapist Jesper Juul.
Monika Kiel-Hinrichsen, educator and trainer of child minders and child mothers, explains how important the voice is. “A voice that is led from top to bottom conveys clarity and reaches the child. However, the parents’ voice is often thin and is raised unconsciously at the end of the sentence. This signals to the children that the parents are addressing what they have said as a question or do not really know how to relate to the situation. ”
Also very popular, but especially ineffective: add a little “okay?” To the sentences. So: “We”re going home right away, okay?” No, not okay, mom. Playing is much more fun.
If the child does not hear: consequences are important
children should know, what good is it for you if you cooperate with mom and dad: maybe there is still time for a round of dominoes if you quickly put on your pajamas and brush your teeth? The consequences have to be as "natural" as possible – and the parents have to think about it in a quiet hour beforehand. Because stress is the killer for consistent behavior when the child does not hear, as educational consultant Plass knows. If the child is lazing around endlessly in the morning, the threat: "Then I will go straight away without you" is hardly credible. And the fact that the TV will soon be thrown out of the window will only make you yawn. But the announcement: "If you put on your shoes now, we can have a look at the mice in the shop window", on the other hand, works very well. The child doesn"t hear? Then it experiences real consequences – namely that it has to hurry past it.
Praise brings more than ranting
The parenting counselor also noticed something else: It is true that children often listen when parents say something. But sometimes they do react. And this one time, when everything works out, should be carefully observed. "Parents often reward unwanted behavior – with attention," says Plass. “Correct behavior, on the other hand, is often ignored because we take it for granted. For example, if the teeth are actually brushed right away. But then it is not worth it for the child to make it so great again in the future. ” And he adds: "Praise is the ideal way to change."
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