Parents usually educate their kids to a certain extent the way they raise themselves [. ]
Parents usually raise their kids to a certain extent the way they were raised. Even if you actually want to do it better.
Many practices have crept into the upbringing methods common in this country, which permanently burden a good parent-child relationship. You are partly responsible for the fact that kids often don’t follow.
This little guide for more or less afflicted parents deals with the detection of those bad habits.
If the child receives different messages from the two parents, this can only be a disadvantage for the upbringing.
If a parent takes a consequence, it is not a good idea to stab him in the back. Agreements help here. Of course, the communication between the parents has to be right.
If there has been a problem for a long time, it is best to discuss with one another how to proceed. This also prevents the child from playing against each other.
If parents feel pressured because the child does not want to follow, many react as follows: a dramatic consequence is threatened ("I will leave you at home alone if you continue to dawdle."). Even small kids can very well distinguish between such fairy tales and realistic consequences.
Stressful situations in which you have to invent a fairy tale quickly can be avoided. It is best to motivate the kids in advance to behave properly. Example: "If you can get ready at 7:30 a.m., we will go to the bakery in front of the school and you can choose something delicious." This example is only useful for kids who already know the watch. The demands you make on the child should always be precise, understandable and realistic. Otherwise there can be disappointments and discussions that make life difficult again.
If communication with the child is not – as mentioned above – precise and understandable, the child will not follow.
This is not because the children don’t want to. Knows If the rules don’t really work because they’re too vague, it’s hard to stick to them.
What rules apply in your household? Are they concise, doable by the child and understandable? Most households have only a small number of important house rules that apply to everyone. It’s a good thing. However, these few rules must be very clear and known to everyone.
If parents decide how the child should behave depending on the situation, they never have the chance to do something right.
If this is the problem, set up some clear everyday rules. Consider the following things, for example:
Behavior at the dining table: Should the kids stay seated until everyone is done or don’t care??
When and how should the kids clean up their rooms? Or do the cleaning up while the kids are out of the house?
If your child’s behavior doesn’t suit you in a particular situation, give clear instructions instead of just getting upset.
The above-mentioned motivation to go to the bakery together should be an exception. Do not raise your child to expect anything in return. Otherwise, it won’t stick to your rules unless there is a material reward for it.
Instead, small gifts should be something special. For example, as a consolation after a vaccination at the doctor.
Threats and unpleasant consequences for the child are quickly pronounced. But to really do this then requires a certain hardness, which is essential for sustainable education.
If you demand a certain behavior from a child, you should know that he or she is serious. Often parents do not adhere to this principle because they think: "The child does not stick to it anyway." They give in resignedly because they cannot withstand the pressure of the child.
Instead, it is better to teach the child what they are expected to do and how to behave, at eye level. The best way to distract smaller children is to give them a “push” in the right direction.
Consequence at the wrong time
So that a child can understand the reason for a consequence, it must be set as soon as possible. It does not help, but is rather a hindrance if you give in first and then take action a little later.
If too much time passes between the unwanted behavior and the parents’ reaction to it, the child will no longer understand the world. This is also the case with previously announced “penalties”. Bad example: "If you don’t stop playing with food, tomorrow there will only be bread for you." It would be better: "Do you eat properly or would you rather give me your plate?".
By the way, the consequence should always be a logical consequence of the undesirable behavior and be related to it. Bad example: "If you don’t do your homework immediately without dawdling, you won’t get dinner today!" It would be better: "You mustn’t go out to play before you have done your homework.".
A lot of noise about nothing
As already mentioned above, you should always speak to the child in such a way that they can understand what has been said. Long, extravagant sentences mean that one is simply ignored.
If you keep trying to explain to the child what you want from him, he can switch to "stubborn". Then it doesn’t feel like listening to the parents’ constant talk and just does what it suits them. At that moment it knows it the parents exactly where it wants it to be.
Briefly explain to the child what you want them to do. If you have formulated your request correctly, it is sufficient to speak it out once. Do not allow discussion and do not fall into the misconception that repeated repetitions would make things better.
Let yourself be brought up by the child
Kids know how to influence their parents. If they fear the child’s deprivation of love, they can easily be wrapped around their fingers. They then give in easily and let the child go through everything.
Remember: It is completely normal and also necessary to insist on certain things from time to time. The child does not suffer from it, but must feel these limits. That’s the only way it feels: my parents know what they’re doing. They are strong and I can rely on them. This principle can be found in trust education based on the join-up principle.
By the way, it is necessary to let the child feel its limits in order to promote its feeling for the limits of others. This is how it learns to respect the limits of other people. If he feels the (patience) limit of his parents, he also learns that he himself may also have limits that nobody should exceed.
Economical use of praise
Mostly react Educators and parents only when a child does not behave as it should. At this moment our internal alarm bells ring and we know: "Now I have to act!". It is different if the child behaves correctly. As adults, we assume that people around us behave in accordance with the rules. That is why we often do not register when a child does something right for the first time that may have been difficult before.
Negative attention in this form can lead to increased undesirable behavior. After all, the child is only the center of attention in this case if it does exactly the opposite of what you want it to do.
So don’t forget to praise your child if it does something right. Because kids enjoy pleasing their parents, honest praise reinforces desired behaviors.
No age-appropriate upbringing
While older kids and teenagers have their behavior under control, this is not the case with toddlers. They are not yet able to control their behavior so well and will therefore break the rules again and again without being aware of it. Even non-verbal upbringing methods cannot change that.
Every parent should be aware of this fact. It must be taken into account in the upbringing.
A sign of helplessness: emotional coercion
Basically, the child will not get any better if you express negative messages to him. The relationship between parent and child deteriorates and the child’s soul can be seriously damaged. After all, parents are the most important people in children’s lives, especially until puberty. Your opinion is highly valued. It is even worse for kids when they are devalued by their parents. Examples of derogatory messages:
"You’re so lazy."
"You have no idea about life."
"Why do you have to be so ungrateful?"
It also doesn’t help much to blackmail the child with feelings of guilt (e.g .: "Great, I’m feeling bad now because you act like this.").
Of course, it is legitimate to tell the child your own feelings. However, only to a certain extent and without reproaching him. Example: "It hurts that you insult me." Or "I have a headache today. So I don’t want to argue with you anymore. "
If you feel helpless and don’t know what to do, it can sometimes go so far as to say, "If the papa later finds out how bad you are, phew. Then there’s Zorres. ”Fall.
That’s a shame, because kids should actually be looking forward to having a parent come home. Instead, statements like this scare you. This does not exactly contribute to a good parent-child relationship and also damages the child’s trust in you.
It is better to mention the partner if you praise the child for correct behavior: “But I have to tell Dad that you helped me so well today! He will be happy. ”Here, the commitment of the partner is also strengthening – but in a positive sense.
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