Limits to raising children

literature

Binser Martin J. & Försterling, Friedrich (2004). Paradoxical effects of praise and blame: personal and situational moderators. Journal of Developmental Psychology and Educational Psychology, 182-189.

Brezinka, W. (1984). Educational goals in the present. Problems and tasks for families and schools. Pedagogical Review, 38th year, volume 6, 713-740.

Brezinka, Wolfgang (1995). Educational goals, educational tools, educational success. Munich: Reinhardt.

Bumsenberger, Karin (2001). Characteristics and structure of parenting behavior. Unpublished diploma thesis. Johannes Kepler University Linz: PPP of the jku.

Domke, H (1991). Educational methods. Aspects and forms of methodology in education. In E. Weber (ed.), Pedagogy. An introduction. Volume 2. Donauwörth: Auer.

Erlinghagen, K (1973). Authority and anti-authority. Education between attachment and emancipation. Heidelberg: source & Meyer.

Fink, E.-H (1975). Education to motivate performance. In H. Lukesch (ed.), Effects of parental parenting styles (pp. 40-50). Göttingen – Toronto – Zurich: Hogrefe.

Heckhausen, H (1970). Influence of education on motivational genesis. In T. Herrmann (ed.), Psychology of Parenting Styles (pp. 131-170). Göttingen: Hogrefe.

Kornadt, H.-J (1970). Commentary: Influence of education on the genesis of aggressiveness. In T. Herrmann (ed.), Psychology of Parenting Styles (pp. 131-170). Göttingen: Hogrefe.

Seitz, W (1975). Educational background of juvenile delinquency. In H. Lukesch (ed.), Effects of Parental Parenting Styles (pp. 111-130). Göttingen – Toronto – Zurich: Hogrefe.

Stapf, A (1980). Effects of the parenting style on the cognitive characteristics of the educated. In T. Herrmann & K.-A. Schneewind (ed.), Research into parenting style. Theories, methods and applications of the psychology of parenting behavior (S 89-121). Bern – Stuttgart – Vienna: Verlag Hans Huber.

Exchange, R. & Tausch, A.-M (1991). Educational psychology. Person-to-person encounter. 10th, supplemented and revised edition. Göttingen – Toronto – Zurich: Hogrefe – publishing house for psychology.

Zauner, M (1995). Education in the area of ​​tension between authority and freedom. Diploma thesis on Institute for Philosophy and philosophy of science at the Johannes Kepler University Linz.

Upper Austrian news from March 25th, 2008

See also
History of child rearing – education and culture
Change in values ​​in child rearing – Recent developments in child rearing
Effects of shift differences on education – possible causes of these differences
Parenting styles – definition and delimitation
Practical tips for raising children

Knowing limits is part of the methodical approach. It goes without saying that education has limits. Empirical limits, i.e. Limits that reality places on methodical action can be localized firstly in the addressees of education, secondly in the educators themselves and thirdly in the environment in which both live (cf. Domke 1991, p. 23)

When addressing education, nature first sets its limits by equipping it with different genes. These wide or narrow limits can u. a. can be changed, expanded, but not overcome through education. However, there are other ways to perceive empirical limits in the addressee of education. With increasing age, the will and ability to self-determination and resistance to attempts by others to influence yourself develop. It is understandably often difficult for parents if their own pedagogical efforts are rejected and rejected.

The limits of education also lie in the skills of the educators. Excessive demands occur e.g. on when parents can no longer understand their children or make their own problems understandable, when they can only explain something incompletely or not at all, when they become insecure and aggressive, etc. Because in our society important educational tasks are performed by very different authorities opposing educational concepts often collide. Such contrasts can occur between parents, grandparents, kindergarten and school, but also between parents. Contradictory upbringing relativizes and limits itself, leads to uncertainty and conflicts among everyone involved.

Above all, education has to do with a strong competition of influences from a complex environment that children are exposed to every day, in which they learn the undesirable through imitation and practice, success and failure. Modern mass media and bad society" Great importance is attached to by peers, material difficulties, poor living conditions, illness, professional stress, lack of time and the like. a. limit educational efforts (cf. Domke 1991, p. 23 f).

Much more important than the empirical limits of education is the question of the moral limitation of education. Moral limitation of upbringing is understood to mean the possibility of preventing poor upbringing that harms those affected (see Brezinka 1995, p. 291).

In addition, educators are often faced with the moral problem that they should not or are allowed to do what they might or might want. These are ethical boundaries: can the means or methods that can be used to justify a specific goal be justified? Under certain circumstances, is it responsible to let children have their own experiences? Or to leave them unafraid when there are real dangers? (cf. Domke 1991, p. 24 f).

Parents cannot like their children from all problems Alcohol, speed frenzy, sex, illegal drugs preserve, they can only accompany and strengthen them. Parents have to give them skills to deal with all the temptations of life. This is often uncomfortable and also means arguing, arguing, reconciling, because this is the only way for children to develop. That also includes that fail, because change usually only happens in individual failure. Children always stay with a kind of invisible umbilical cord with their Parents connected, but only the parents are able to extend this cord again and again and thus give their children more freedom. In addition to attention, mindfulness and loving care, parents should also enable children to get to know as many sides as possible, because only those who know many sides are able to survive later crises.

Educate yourself,
before you try to raise children.
Janusz Korczak

Effects of the parenting style on the pupil

For the general and intellectual development of the child, parenting goals and attitudes and the corresponding educational behaviors are significant determinants (cf. Darpe, Darpe & Schneewind 1975, p. 63)

The four dimensions in interpersonal relationships

prejudicial

conducive

Disregard cold hardness

Attention warmth consideration

No empathetic understanding

Complete empathetic understanding

Façade disagreement Falseness

Authenticity correspondence sincerity

No promotional non-directing activities

Many promotional non-directing activities

(see exchange & Exchange 1991, p. 100)

In the authoritarian education imagines "rather externalized conscience", that is, a conscience that responds more strongly to the fulfillment of norms in the presence of an authority person than in their absence, whereas a more internalized conscience was found in children raised with less authority, which also works relatively safely in the absence of authorities (cf. Erlinghagen 1973, p. 100).

On strict parenting style suppresses the ability to self-expression and thus the prerequisites for independent behavior are not given. That a strict upbringing leads to the dependent behavior of the child. A supportive upbringing style, in which the children are encouraged to bring their own needs and personal view of things into the respective interaction situations, and in which the parents usually strive to put themselves in the children’s situation, leads to the independence of the child. But an overly supportive upbringing, in which the parents endeavor to put all the difficulties out of the way of the children, can have the consequence that such children are not used to survive conflicts and to assert themselves against someone, and therefore in the behavior outside of the family is quite dependent.

Verbal skills are encouraged when the mother maintains close contact with the child, helps him to improve performance, encourages caution and prevents him from experimenting independently with objects. In contrast, non-verbal skills (spatial imagination and numerical computation) are encouraged more by mothers, who do not control the child so strongly and so continuously, but rather give them a lot of freedom to experiment with objects on their own. A more allowing parenting style also promotes the creativity of highly gifted children (cf. Heckhausen 1970, p. 162).

So far, praise and blame have been most thoroughly explored in terms of their impact on cognitive behavior. However, their impact largely depends on the social situation and the emotional climate. It has been proven that praise increases performance and censure lowers performance (cf. Brezinka 1995, p. 204)..

The motivation and, according to many authors, their support through specific parenting behavior and their results are directly related to the child’s cognitive abilities (see Stapf 1980, p. 171). In cultures with strict parenting practices, punitive sanctions for insufficient performance correlate with increased performance (see Heckhausen 1970, p. 149). With us, parental support, combined with a lack of parental power, leads to performance motivation. Supportive, loving upbringing creates a bid orientation for the child. That the children actively seek out all sorts of things that are positively received and confirmed by parents (cf. Fink 1975, pp. 41ff). For the achievement motivation is the educational goal "independence" important, but you have to be careful not to make this independence request to the child prematurely.

In addition, a performance-related role model effect of the parents (imitative learning) the child’s motivation to perform in a loving parent-child relationship. This leaning identification develops from the child’s total dependence on the nurturing, lovingly caring and protective caregiver. According to Anna Freud, there is also one "Identification with the attackers", However, this has so far been little investigated with regard to the motivational genesis. It is proven that children with friendly role models adopt adult behavior much more often than children with dismissive role models (cf. Heckhausen 1970, p. 154 f).

When it comes to aggressiveness, we are dealing with a motive that always arises, although it is quite undesirable in our culture. One hopes to be able to prevent the development of antisocial and criminal aggressiveness or to reduce existing aggressiveness again through educational methods, but would like to maintain the ability to assert oneself and at the same time prevent aggressiveness from being low in normal behavior, "actually" but is still high and shows itself in occasional explosions, internal tensions or psychosomatic disorders or in the choice of methods of education (cf. Kornadt 1970, p. 170 f)

At the indifferent parenting style, in which no demands are placed on the child and at the same time the parents do not give the child emotional support and in the paradoxical upbringing style in which demands are placed on the child without emotional support, the number of intra-family conflicts increases significantly. The paradoxical upbringing style is also significantly involved in the genesis of self-harming behaviors. Violence is increasing in both parenting styles strongly on. To prevent violence, an upbringing style is appropriate in which the parents make consistent, clear demands with regard to compliance with the rules and enforce them strictly, while at the same time offering the necessary emotional support for their children and exemplifying a democratic model in their relationship with one another (cf. Peucker 1999, p. 140 f).

The aggression the children are favored primarily by aggressive and aggression tolerant parents. Aggressive parenting behavior, parental control (which triggers fear), lack of support, lack of loving care and lack of accepting appreciation and build-up of skepticism lead to aggression in the child (see Seitz 1975, p. 122 f).

Parenting styles that can promote aggression show a high degree of inconsistency, emotional coldness, indifference or lack of demands. Parenting styles that aim to avoid conflict are also encouraging, as learning to resolve conflicts and making compromises are an important educational mandate. There will be confrontations in every society. In order for these not to be solved by aggression, an early learning process for children and adolescents is required (cf.Zauner 1995, p. 125 f).

A motive for aggression seems to be the need for security and dependence. Numerous studies have shown that particularly strong aggressiveness develops when this need has been built up but not met, because it only builds up frustration. Aggressive behavior is therefore a parenting behavior that frustrates this early childhood need for security and dependency, e.g. Cold and dismissive attitude of the parents towards the child, lack of emotional stability and self-confidence of the parents, certain sibling constellations, lack of care and recognition, low mutual respect of the parents, isolation,. , Ongoing strong attachment frustration can also lead to low identification, on which the acceptance of values ​​depends and the formation of aggression inhibition motives. The most important motives for inhibition of aggression are derived from the need for security and dependence (cf. Kornadt 1970, p. 172 ff).

The increase in aggression among children and adolescents in recent years must not only be seen in terms of education, but also in relation to other factors that promote aggression. Such as. the new media (computers, videos,.), which blur the distinction between the fictional and the real and which reduce the inhibition threshold of violence among children and adolescents. In addition, if there is an excess of media opportunities, there is a risk that the children will lose all reference to movement in a passive environment. The therapeutic effect of active movement, namely the reduction of tensions and also aggressions, is eliminated. The demand for activity should therefore be considered more in the field of education (see Zauner 1995, p. 119 f).

Delinquency is the tendency to come into conflict with the applicable norms of the criminal law as a result of deviance, i.e. of deviant, socially disapproving behavior, which as such does not necessarily have to be covered by criminal law. Inconsistency within one and the same parent, but also inconsistency between the two parents promotes delinquent and neurotic development in children (see Seitz 1975, p. 111).

Numerous studies have shown that parents of delinquent adolescents were more dismissive, cold and disdainful of their children than parents of non-delinquent adolescents. Delinquency among adolescents is likely to be encouraged by the parents’ cold appreciation of their children (see exchange & Tausch 1991, p. 154).

A study showed that stressed parents not only endanger their own health, but also that of their children. As the British magazine "New Scientist" reports, le >Upper Austrian News from March 25th, 2008).

Paradoxes of praise and blame

source: Some of these worksheets are from Karin Bumsenberger’s study "Characteristics and structure of parenting behavior".

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