Night thoughts – Family Neverland

night thoughts

I am sitting at the big bed. Your belly lifts and lowers gently to the beat of your breath. Peacefully you look. Did you have a nice day? Maybe you dream about how you ran through the big pile of leaves with your new winter boots. Maybe you’re playing soccer with dad, just like this afternoon. Happy you look. And already so big. I wonder when that actually happened, getting bigger. Yesterday we just watched you take your first steps. Yesterday we brought you to kindergarten for the first time. And now you are lying there, between the big soft cushions and your legs are already up to the middle of the bed. It occurs to me, I should urgently raise a bar on the wall, then we can mark how fast you have grown. Yes, that would be fun, too.

I lie carefully next to you. My hand gently strokes yours. There is still a little bit of baby fat. Not much, just so that I feel reminded of your baby-time. Your first hug, your first word, your first outburst. So many thoughts are buzzing through my head. So many pictures. I wish I could travel back for a few days and consciously relive them. To live more consciously – Do not we do that too rarely? I would like to travel back and preserve your sweet voice before it changes. Hold your smell of my favorite spot in the neck before it flies. Waving through your sweet hair before we go to the hairdresser. I plan to live the next day very consciously.

Your ribcage raises and lowers gently to the beat of your breath. Peacefully, you are lying there, unaware of my thoughts. Do not see the wild carousel of the time, which turns faster and faster with the Spielmannsmusik in the background. Because you live for the moment. You live the moment. And I suppose, a little more like you to be. I intend to consciously perceive everyday life again. I intend to do step by step, to live more in the moment again. Because my thoughts have allowed me to gather strength. I am strong again, not so tired anymore. What will we do tomorrow? Maybe bake the first cookies? I dont know. Maybe jump through puddles until the cheeks glow red? I dont know. I only know one thing, I want that Feel life, through you.

Your belly lifts and lowers gently to the beat of your breath. I lie with you and close my eyes. Can only feel your hand in mine and dig deeper into the pillows. Do you feel that I am right next to you? Do you know that tonight I sat next to you thinking? I hear your breath and gently slide into the world of dreams. My little Samuel, I love you so much!

All the best,
your mum

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Christina Cherry
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