Are you familiar with that?
A few weeks ago, everything was fine. Recently, however, you have been wondering what you did wrong in your child’s upbringing or what happened that suddenly the relationship chaos broke out with you.
Your child may come home from kindergarten and respond to his sibling’s stress with beating, pushing or anger.
Or your schoolchild comes home and locks himself in his room – without saying a word.
Maybe your toddler is breaking recently because of every little thing in tears?
Or does your child behave differently than you are used to in any other way?
In such situations, I always ask myself, where does this behavior come from, what triggered it? Quite often, however, this question remains because I do not immediately know an answer to it and let myself be drawn into the relationship chaos (i.e. only react to my child’s behavior – with scolding or admonitions) instead of changing my perspective.
In October I would like to focus on changing my perspective if one of my children behaves in any way "conspicuously":
When my children grumble, grumble, cry or when they suddenly become very angry.
When there is a lot of argument between the siblings or power struggles.
If you complain of stomach ache more often.
I want to react less to the behavior in October, but rather look behind the behavior. With a certain curiosity – a spirit of research:
That"showy" Behavior makes sense
I am convinced that striking behavior always occurs when the child is not doing so well in any way. Whether that’s in kindergarten, school, at home or in the company of friends.
Noise, argument, jealousy of the sibling /friend Or difficult learning material can build up stress and pressure in the child, which then has to search somewhere for its outlet – so that the child is balanced again.
Children sometimes cannot name their feelings or only perceive them diffusely as anger or abdominal pain. Children can only say exactly what bothers them or upset them later in primary school.
The "showy" Behavior is the only way for the child to alert us to a grievance: something around the child is no longer correct for the child.
The role of parents or caregivers "flashy" behavior
It is your job to decipher this puzzle. Through observation and empathetic conversations to find out what is no longer suitable for your child – what is stressing or stressing them and what is suddenly occurring "flashy" Behavior breaks its course.
If you have an idea or guess about the reason for the behavior, then you can think about how you can change the situation so that your child is better and does not have to show this conspicuous behavior.
Why I want to change my perspective with this monthly focus:
It happens very quickly that I only react to the "conspicuous" behavior of my children and exhort my child to rightly or sometimes scold loudly – instead of thinking about why it does it.
I know I’m just a human being and that I can’t keep myself under control every moment – especially when I’m exhausted or tired.
However, the desire for an appreciative cooperation in me is so great that I know that I want to change at this point. If I become aware of this, I also know that it is easier for me to catch myself before I jump on the anger train too much.
I do it for myself so that I can enjoy my time with my children more and, last but not least, to be a role model for my children on how to deal with difficult situations instead of scolding or nagging.
In the vast majority of cases, ranting and nagging brings – if at all – only short-term changes in behavior. (Is that also the case in your everyday family life?)
Instead of working on the symptoms (conspicuous behavior of the child), I would like to look at the causes (which led to them) in order to start with my change.
Are you there again??
May you look behind the scenes of your children in October. See why it’s like this and not otherwise? You too want to change the causes to restore the environment for your child more beautiful or to make it more pleasant?
Then I would be happy if you let me know in the comments that you are part of it!
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