Proper communication with children – baby and family

Sometimes tots do exactly the opposite of what you expect them to do. In five We show situations how communication with children works better

Talking to children at eye level is an important point for successful communication

1. Situation – avoid negation

in the garden stands the children’s pool and is currently full of water. The child takes the hose and sprays wildly around it.

Mom calls:
Aah! Don’t spray with the water!

This is what the child does (2):
It splashes with the water.

That says Sabine Schäfer, Educational advisor at Caritas in Berlin and speaker at "Kess-educate"-courses:
"Adults often formulate negative behavior as negative. They use the words ‘no’ and ‘not’ and expect the appropriate behavior in the child. However, the opposite usually happens.

The reason: in the child’s brain, a course of action arises from what has been said. The child first develops a picture of water splashing. Then the brain has to develop the opposite of the picture – not to splash with the water. A complex process that takes a little longer in young children. In that time they took their first picture – and mom is soaking wet."

"Specify what the child should do", advises Schäfer. In our example would that be sentences like: "Fill the paddling pool!" or "Water the lawn!"

2. Situation – give specific instructions

Chaos in the children’s room. It’s time to keep things tidy.

Dad says:
Now clean up your room!

This is what the child does (4):
Keep playing. Or it just pushes a few things to the side.

This is what Sabine Schäfer says:
"The announcement is too vague, the child does not know exactly what to do. This is often misunderstood by parents, because after all the child cleared everything out. It has to do with skills. Children can clear out very early. The other way round, skills are often still missing. The little ones need help."

Translate the cleanup project into small actions – for example: "The plastic stones come in the blue box, you put the books on this shelf."

3. Situation – update the situation

The family wants to visit the grandparents. Everyone is ready, let’s go. Then it occurs to the child that the teddy has to go.

Mum says:
Get your teddy!

This is what the child does (3):
Run – and won’t come back.

This is what Sabine Schäfer says:
"The child looks forward to his grandparents and immediately starts to fetch the teddy bear. But when they arrive in the children’s room, the picture of grandma and grandpa is suddenly overlaid by other toys: doll Anna is lying completely naked in her bed. It must first be covered. The ability to empathize with others – that is, with the parents who are waiting – only develops at three and a half years."

Remind the child of the trip to grandma and grandpa and ask if they found the teddy bear. So the actual picture is updated again and the child remembers what he actually wanted to get.

4. Situation – translate time

The family sits together for breakfast on Saturday morning and thinks about what to do on Sunday.

Dad says:
On Sunday we go to the outdoor pool.

This is what the child does (3):
Is happy, runs into the hallway and puts on his sandals.

This is what Sabine Schäfer says:
"Children only develop a rough sense of time between three and six years. The younger they are, the stronger they live in the moment. Therefore, the child only hears the outdoor pool and expects to start immediately. The restriction ” on Sunday ” cannot classify it and reacts accordingly disappointed if it does not start immediately."

Parents can easily translate the time span, for example by saying: "You have to sleep again, then we go to the outdoor pool", recommends the expert. Light counting systems, such as stickers for the calendar, are suitable for projects that lie further in the future. In this way, children get the feeling of being actively involved in the action and being able to control the situation.

5. Situation – offer limited choices

After dinner, the child can still play. Then it’s time to go to bed.

Mum says:
Honey, we’re going to brush our teeth, yes?

This is what the child does (3):
Shakes her head and continues to play.

This is what Sabine Schäfer says:
"Questions always allow a choice. It is very unlikely that a child will end their teeth brushing game."

Offer the child a limited choice, the goal of which is still brushing their teeth. Example: "You can now play for five minutes (set the clock with a signal) and then I brush your teeth."

As an alternative you can offer: "Now I brush your teeth, and after that you can play for five minutes (set the clock with a signal)." "However, parents should use this offer sparingly. Using too much choice too often quickly overwhelms children", explains the educational advisor.


Like this post? Please share to your friends:
Christina Cherry
Leave a Reply

;-) :| :x :twisted: :smile: :shock: :sad: :roll: :razz: :oops: :o :mrgreen: :lol: :idea: :grin: :evil: :cry: :cool: :arrow: :???: :?: :!: