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Psychologist selina vogt: “the child in you must find a home, mylife

Psychologist Selina Vogt: “The child in you has to find a home"

The term “inner child” has been read and heard more and more in the past. Also because author Stefanie Stahl with her book "The inner child in you must find a home" has landed a bestseller. But what exactly is the "inner child" and how can you imagine working on your "inner child"?

On the first pages of her book “The child in you has to find a home”, Stefanie Stahl describes the “inner child” as “the sum of our childhood characteristics – good and bad, which we experienced through our parents and other important caregivers. We do not remember most of these experiences on the conscious level. However, they are fixed in the subconscious.

It can therefore be said that the inner child is an essential part of our unconscious. It is the fears, worries and hardships that we have experienced from childhood. And at the same time, they are all positive influences from our childhood. ”That is why Stefanie Stahl divides the“ inner child ”into the shadow and sun child. In the shadow child all negative characteristics are combined, such as rejection, doubt and anger. The sun child stands in contrast to all positive experiences and values, such as love, joy, self-worth and trust.

Everyone has an "inner child"

"It doesn’t matter whether you had a good or a poor childhood," psychologist Selina Vogt told mylife. “Everyone carries both parts. Only the individual story decides whether one is more shaped in the shadow child or more in the sun child. ”Each“ inner child ”therefore looks different. "With the term ‘inner child’ you simply give your imprints a name to make them more tangible and clearer," says Vogt.

What does the "inner child" have to do with an adult??

Perhaps it has happened to you that you have come into a situation in which you reacted exaggeratedly afterwards. The feeling was actually too big for the situation. For example, if you asked your partner to bring you your favorite candy from shopping, but they accidentally forgot it. "Such a situation unconsciously reminds us of a similar experience in our childhood," says the psychologist, "the shadow child is triggered."

For example, if your wishes as a child were never taken seriously and your partner forgets your favorite candy when shopping, it is not the adult who is annoyed by the situation, but his "inner child". If you become aware of these relationships, you should reflect that “the shadow child has a permanent wound that hurts whenever the shadow child thinks that his wishes are not being sufficiently respected,” writes Stefanie Stahl in “The child in you must find a home ”.

Book tip: The child in you must find a home – Stefanie Stahl

All psychological problems have their origins in childhood?

The subtitle of Stefanie Stahl’s book is "The key to solving (almost) all problems". Psychologist Selina Vogt broadly agrees with her. "Not all of them, but many psychological problems are rooted in childhood," she explains. "The nice thing about ‘inner child work’ is that you tackle the problem at the root without lingering too long in the past. You look at it, but you change something in the here and now and therefore also for the future. ”This approach leads those affected to not remain in the victim role for long and you get a solution.

Some patients have a problem with the term “inner child” at first. “For some men it sounds too soft. There you speak of the ‘inner team’, ”Vogt reports. Also, some patients would think that the "inner child" was one of several personalities. "But if you then explain that the ‘inner child’ is only a term for certain characteristics, that is, for different parts of us, most can accept it well."

What can you do for your “inner child”?

In addition to the "inner child", there is also the "adult self" as a psychological authority. It encompasses our rational and sensible mind, our thinking as an adult. Stefanie Stahl writes: “In the adult ego mode, we can assume responsibility, plan, act with foresight, recognize and understand relationships. but also regulate the child ego.

The adult ego acts consciously and deliberately. ”In this conscious mode we can also take care of our“ inner child ”. "It is about, as an adult, giving your" inner child "what it needed but did not receive earlier. Praise, love, attention, ”explains Selina Vogt. Or to consciously make up for things that you would have liked to have done as a child, but were not allowed to do that at the time.

Are there certain exercises for working on his "inner child"?

Stefanie Stahl performs some exercises in "The child in you must find a home". Here are a few examples:

Write a letter

It can help if you write a letter to your shadow child, "in the same way that a dear mom or dad would write to a child that he cares about and wants to comfort."

Embrace

In this exercise, it can be helpful to hold a child’s photo in your hand. Remember how you felt as a child in some negative situations. Now hold your child-me tightly in your arms. Comfort it and tell it that you will now take care of everything. That you have not forgotten it, take its fears and worries seriously and will make sure that everything gets better from now on.

Find your positive beliefs

For this exercise you need a A4 sheet of paper and colored pencils. Draw a child’s silhouette on the paper. It should be beautiful, colorful and happy, because the sun child should be your target state and therefore it should look as appealing as possible. Stefanie Stahl writes: “It motivates and inspires new experiences. Make your sun child beautiful. paint a face, hair and decorate the leaf to your taste. "

Then it’s about finding your positive beliefs and immortalizing them on paper. Perhaps there are positive beliefs that you have inherited from your parents or other important people around you. For example "I am valuable" or "I can do it". It’s also about turning negative beliefs into positive ones. "I am ugly" can become "I am beautiful enough". Or “I am a burden” can become “I may also be a burden”. This exercise can help you slowly move away from the shadow child mode.

Can you work alone on the "inner child"?

"If you dare to do it, you can work on your ‘inner child’ on your own," says psychologist Selina Vogt. But you should be aware that many repressed memories can come up. "People who are very insecure or have mental illnesses should get professional help," she advises.

It should also be borne in mind that work on the “inner child” is never actually over. "Over time, you can perceive and accept your imprints more consciously and as a result, you no longer react as strongly to certain triggers," says Vogt. Often it cannot be switched off completely. Sometimes you can handle it better, sometimes less. “The goal is to switch from shadow child mode to sun child mode as often as possible in order to be able to enjoy life better with others and with ourselves."

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