Raising children: children, parents – parenting styles

Every child is different and every child reacts differently in certain situations. It is important to support the child’s personality right from the start and not only challenge the child’s abilities, but primarily promote them well. Children who receive a balanced amount of attention and help and who can make their own decisions at the same time develop early on into their own personalities with certain skills. In order for the child to learn what is good or bad, it needs the right upbringing and the support of the father and mother. The child can only develop into an independent adult if he has constant support, can always turn to his caregivers and is well received.

If the child is still very small, they will get the values ​​of the legal guardians. They teach him what is good or wrong, how to behave, and what you should or should not do as a child. Only over the years, when the child gets older, can it form its own picture, and will always have to make its own decisions, based on the values ​​of the father or mother conveyed to it. It is therefore important that both parts of the upbringing of children agree, and always keep the principles. Siblings, grandparents and other people who are in close contact with the offspring also play an important role in bringing up and conveying values. Surely the grandma has completely different values ​​and perhaps also other ideas of politeness, which she is now trying to convey to the child in her own way.

Fundamentals of raising children

When it comes to parenting, adults naturally also base their experiences on their own childhood. Memories of certain everyday situations, rules from their own childhood or certain processes are often adopted. This does not always happen extra, but often takes place unconsciously and unintentionally. It is helpful to remember what you liked as a child. Consequence is important in the upbringing. The little ones do not have to be raised strictly, but need help and a leading hand that shows them the way to life. Established rules that are helpful and have a positive influence on the upbringing of children should therefore be maintained. Of course, these will change again and again over time. The younger generation is getting older and always needs an age-appropriate upbringing. If the toddler goes to bed well and tired in the early evening, this ritual changes at the latest at primary school age.

Children of all ages must always be challenged and encouraged in a way that corresponds to their age and maturity. Whoever scolds and never expresses praise, has planned every day strictly, may have a compliant child, but then has to face the consequences in his teenage years. If the child is old enough and already has a certain understanding, rules can of course also be drawn up together with him. This is where other people such as friends, neighbors or the legal guardians of the friends come into play, with whom the child gets to know a different life and different values ​​or rules.

Pedagogical approaches

Of course, simply raising the children is not enough. Raising children is a nice and difficult task for the father and mother. Pedagogical education includes many things, such as language development, motor skills, social behavior and similar things that all little ones have to learn first. Which parenting styles come into consideration depends primarily on the parents. As long as the child is small and does not attend kindergarten or preschool, these two people are the most important caregivers. They exert the greatest influence on the child, since they mostly take care of and care for them. Only later, when there is contact with other adults, do the youngsters look at one or the other there and take it over more or less unintentionally.

The parenting styles of mother and father run like a thread through childhood and youth. They show how adults behave towards their own child and differ from family to family. To support the child in the best possible way, father and mother need time, patience, empathy and, of course, consistency. Some children learn to walk almost on their own, others are not used to it until months later. The same applies to language learning. It is particularly important here to properly support the next generation, because later problems can arise in kindergarten and school if the child is unable to express itself correctly.

2.2 How important is education for development?

The first years of life are particularly important and formative in education. The child has to learn everything and is dependent on the help of the parents. It is therefore important not only to impose rules on the child, but at the same time to explain to them what the meaning of these rules are and what they are good for. It is not always easy for legal guardians. You are often unsure, afraid to do the wrong thing, or suddenly find yourself in a completely new situation. Rules that therefore prove to be useless or superfluous after a certain period of time can be rejected without hesitation.

Children are curious and want to discover the world again and again. This includes small mishaps and mistakes. Children who are on their own from the start don’t know what to do. They do not know life and therefore do not know what is important or unimportant. Only through parents can they learn a regular daily routine and things that are commonplace. Father or mother go to work, if you want to eat something, you have to buy it beforehand, etc. Teaching the child everything that is perfectly normal for adults is part of the upbringing. The behavior towards other and foreign people is also important so that the child can integrate into society later in life.

Influence of one’s own upbringing

Regardless of whether your own childhood was positive or negative, in part it will always smuggle into your own upbringing. Parents do not always show this behavior consciously. Often you get caught in certain situations and suddenly have your own childhood in mind. Sayings like: you are like your mother – are not uncommon. If the adults know exactly what was negative in childhood, this can also be specifically hidden during the upbringing. Negative things are not beneficial for the offspring, nor for the mother or the father. If some rules have proven to be good and helpful, they can still be applied successfully after 20 or 30 years.

As a rule, things are brought up in the upbringing that have had a defining character. Positive memories, combined with rules and certain procedures, run like a thread through most of the family upbringing for most families. If you notice that you adopt the negative parenting styles from your own father or mother, you should pull the brake. This is very easy for many fathers and mothers, while others find it difficult to separate from these traditions. Then it can make sense to seek help from an advice center. Talks with other legal guardians also ensure more safety when raising children. In this way, legal guardians learn that other fathers or mothers make the same mistakes and can exchange ideas and give tips.

Strict upbringing

Strictness has never harmed anyone – these are sayings from days gone by. Children who are brought up strictly have problems to develop their own personality. They are not machines that have to work, but small personalities with their own character. If you raise your child too strictly and always threaten punishment, never distribute a reward, you will not raise a happy child. The little ones have to make mistakes in order to learn. They do not promote the same rituals every day, but narrow them down and give them no scope for their own personal development.

Eating at the same time every day, going to bed at the same time, tidying up the nursery every day, eating the plate empty, etc. are rules that require a strict procedure. Often the children sit nagging in front of the full plate at noon, while an hour or two later they would eat it empty without complaining. If the child is tired later or earlier than the fixed time, they should sleep, although they cannot. Strictness therefore only makes sense if it is possible to implement it sensibly. Of course there are very clear rules that say this is allowed, that is prohibited.

However, this does not have to be enforced with rigor. Parents, who always make sense to the offspring, will often reach their goal in parenting without restrictions and without rigor. Because even things that are not allowed to the child can be formulated positively. Instead of saying that the child has to go to bed at eight o’clock, it is better to say that the child can stay up until that time. Positive words usually arouse positive behavior and therefore a positive reaction.

Anti-authoritarian education

Anti-authoritarian education was particularly booming in the 1960s and 1970s. It runs without constraints, rules and regulations. These parenting styles offer the child the opportunity to develop themselves. A no is only seldom pronounced, and otherwise the child is free to decide. With this method of bringing up children, the children do not decide on the basis of any rules, but according to their mood. Even anti-authoritarian education cannot get along without borders. Children who know no boundaries will only do what they want to do later. Selfish people, who were often avoided at the beginning of these upbringing styles, find it more than difficult to integrate into society later in life.

Nevertheless, it is one of the parenting styles that offers the child a lot of freedom. Decisions are made together, the child is allowed to make mistakes and, as far as this is possible without negative consequences, also take responsibility for their own actions in line with their age. Today we speak of democratic child rearing. No child has to submit anymore. The little ones can say their opinion and of course have a say. An education without compulsion makes it possible to raise independent personalities who will quickly find a permanent place in later life.

The golden middle ground

The golden middle ground is certainly the perfect solution when it comes to good parenting styles and good child-rearing. Only a few rules, which are used sensibly, are far more successful than an everyday routine consisting of completely senseless rules and prohibitions. Giving the child a say, letting them express their wishes and including them in everyday life is also part of it. It is not always easy to find the golden middle ground. The father may have different views than the mother, so the parents must first find an agreement. Because only when father and mother agree on all parenting issues can the child grow up with good rules and develop in the best possible way.

The role of parents

These two people are probably the most important role models for the child. It is based on the behavior of father and mother. Even small children imitate father or mother in role-playing games and unconsciously adopt their behavior first. If they slowly get older and see the two in the same situations again and again, they orientate themselves on the parental behavior. If the father is angry, the child can also react in this way. The same naturally applies to the mother role. It is therefore important that the father or mother never lose their composure in front of the child. What the father and mother convey to the child not only happens consciously, but also unconsciously. The child is very attentive and often watches the two in silence. Therefore, as a parent, you should always have a good grip on yourself when your child is present.

Traditional mother role

In the past, the mother traditionally took over all of the child rearing. She took care of the household and the upbringing. So the entire responsibility lay with only one parent, namely the mother. She raised the child, taught him certain values, was responsible for language support and everything else. Of course, visits to the doctor, discussions at school or kindergarten, and all other tasks were also included. All responsibility for the child was traditionally brought up by the mother. If the child behaved differently than desired or conspicuously, the blame was quickly blamed on the mother.

Traditional father role

There is also a father in the traditional distribution of roles. This had nothing to do with the upbringing, but took over the financial part. Usually there was one earner per household and that was the father. He went to work from morning to night to make money for the family. Therefore, even if he wanted to, he had little time to devote himself to the children, let alone intervene in the upbringing. The mother was always the point of contact for all matters, since the father was only available to the child on vacation or on his days off.

The traditional role models still apply today?

That has changed over time. Not only have the parenting styles changed, but family life has also changed. From a financial perspective, many families need both parents to do regular work. In many cases, the father continues to be the main earner, while many mothers take a part-time job. It plays no longer matter who takes over the financial part, since many women can earn better than men. Of course it is important to distribute the roles well. Most mothers only take a part-time job when the child is old enough to go to kindergarten. There is so much time left during school that mothers can go back to work full time. even fathers on parental leave are no longer uncommon. They look after the children at home in the early years of life, while the mother does her job during the day and ensures a regular income.

One parent is working

It is important for the offspring to keep one parent as a permanent contact. If you are old enough to attend kindergarten, the teacher will take on the task during this time and will be available to the child as a contact person. Working mothers, including fathers, often have a guilty conscience because they leave the child alone. If a good childcare place is provided, these concerns are usually quickly forgotten. Most children quickly get used to kindergarten or after-school care. They also have contact with other children there and learn to classify into groups. Small offspring are then usually back home from noon, while the time away from home increases with age.

Both parents are employed

There are several reasons why both caregivers are employed. On the one hand, the financial situation can make this necessary, on the other hand, no part has to give up his job. Many mothers or fathers return to work full-time after this time, while others do not take a break at all. Then it is important to find childcare options in good time. It is best if the working hours of father and mother complement each other. This is the case, for example, if both work only for half a day or if the shifts of both can be adjusted. However, both legal guardians should not work full time. The child does have a caregiver through the care, it cannot create such a close bond with the parents. Many families therefore take advantage of offers from the youth welfare offices, for example, and have the child looked after at home by a qualified childminder.

single parents

Single fathers and mothers do not always have it easy. On the one hand, they are responsible for the child alone, and they also have to plan and organize everything on their own. In addition, there is often great pressure on the single parent. No matter whether mothers or fathers are single parents, they have to take care of everything. If there is also a job, the combination of family and professional life is often the first major hurdle. Tasks that the other partner would otherwise take on remain with the single parent. That’s why it’s important to get support from friends or family. They know the situation and the child and can act accordingly. If the child has lived with only one parent for a longer period of time, problems or jealousy can also arise if a partner comes along again.

Separated parents

Parents who live separately are no longer a couple, but remain the child’s parents for a lifetime. They both influence the upbringing, impart values ​​to them and share the care. The child lives with part of it and is also registered there. During the holidays or on weekends it visits the other part. It is important that both parties agree and that appointments that have been made are actually kept. If the child has problems at school or kindergarten, both are usually invited to the appointments. This gives the child security. In addition, children should never have to choose a parent. Even trips together with the father and mother should not be in the way. New partners should then withdraw and give the child this important family time.

Role allocation for same-sex parents

Father and mother – as traditional roles provide, are increasingly being replaced by same-sex relationships. A child can grow up as healthy in two men as in two women. These families often face prejudices, which can be particularly hard on the children. No matter what the family consists of, it is important to convey love, support and security to the child. Same-sex couples can do this as well as men and women. It is a normal situation for the child if he grows up with it. It will love both, and like in any other family, choose one or the other as a contact person. you shouldn’t present two moms or two dads to the child, but educate them in good time. It always has only one father or mother and an associated partner of the parent.

General education tips

Father and mother have to grow into their role. They cannot have a plan for how children are brought up. Just like the child, parents will only learn many things over time. There are some things that all fathers and mothers should always keep in mind. It doesn’t matter which of the parenting styles you choose. Rules should only be used if they make sense. The adult caregivers should also be able to apologize for improper behavior in the child. You should praise in the right place and always take as much time as possible. However, the child must not be restricted or overprotected. It doesn’t hurt to look for another option or arrangement if a plan doesn’t work. Everyone, children and both parents, have to learn family life first.

Find clear words

The key to education is clear words. Parents who always explain everything, find too many words and come too late to what they really want to say make it unnecessarily difficult for them to raise their children. What is said does not have to sound like a command or a command. If the father or mother clearly explains what they want from the child, why they want it and what the goal is, the child receives a clear request. However, father or mother must always make sure that these things are explained to the child in an age-appropriate manner. With the right words and a few descriptive gestures, this works very well for small children and can also be used for teenagers.

If the child needs to tidy up their room, it is important that the parents say the same thing. You can help a small child by telling them that the dolls are going to sleep, so you have to put them away. If the child is taller and might want to see friends the next day, it is sufficient to tell the child that the friends only have room to play when the room is tidy. The father or mother should not repeat themselves too often. If the child has understood the meaning and context, then you have found the right way.

Reformulate bans as commandments

Not only most children hate bans, but adults too. All parenting styles call for rules, actually do without bans. It is important that the child always understands what it is about. Saying a ban by saying "You can’t do that" makes the whole thing even more interesting for the child. Instead, the father or mother should explain why it is not a good thing to do something and what the consequences are. Of course, this can also be conveyed to the child in a positive way. For example, open water is dangerous because you can drown in it if you can’t swim. That’s why the child should avoid this. A child who gets to know as many different situations as possible, and can recognize positive and negative qualities, hardly needs any prohibitions anyway.

Do not lie

In order to build a good parent-child relationship, it is important not to lie. Of course, this applies to the parents as well as to the child. The child should not be punished for telling the truth, for example admitting that he did something previously prohibited. The child then loses the positive sense of truth and will avoid saying it in the future. The father or mother must also be honest and sincere with the child. Of course, they don’t have to give him an account. If the child questions a certain situation that seems strange to him, parents should answer honestly and child-friendly. This is also an important part of child rearing and ensures mutual trust.

None of the parenting styles are perfect. That’s why it will always happen that children lie. Even if you do not know this behavior from home, you may find out in kindergarten or school that another child is lying and thus gaining an advantage, for example. In this case, the parents should explain again exactly that even small lies are not really help, but can make other people very sad.

Don’t argue in front of the kids

Parents arguing in front of their child make a big mistake. A quarrel between the parents can trigger great fears and even strong feelings of guilt in the child. This is especially true when the father or mother quarrel over himself. Uncertainty can also spread as children do not know how to deal with this situation. The child loves both parts and does not want them to argue. It is also helpless and passed out, since it is not possible for him to intervene in the dispute.

Even if the father or mother have tolerated each other for a long time after an argument, the situation for the child remains tense. It is afraid of a new argument, feels uncomfortable or anxious and no longer really knows which parent to turn to. Children who hear a lot of arguments between the two slowly withdraw, take sides for part or try to evade all situations in which father and mother are both present. Joint excursions or game evenings can be a real pain for the child.

Be patient, not too compliant

It is sometimes difficult to be patient. It is important because this is the only way to ensure that the relationship between parents and children remains relaxed. Fathers or mothers who become impatient too quickly when raising children usually need a lot more time to reach their goal than patient parents. It is also important to pay attention to the child’s personality. Many children understand everything very quickly, others need repeated explanations and more time. That is why it is good to set a schedule for certain things that always leaves a certain amount of leeway.

This applies to all situations that arise every day. Be it tidying up your own room, eating together, visiting the doctor or shopping with the child. Patience is particularly important when parents explain something to the child. Patience is often required here. The child may not understand what the father or mother is trying to say, or they may be misinterpreting it. With patience and empathy you reach your goal a little late.

Set limits

Limits are important so that children can orient themselves. All styles of upbringing have rules and limits that are more or less practiced. Children who have no limits from their parents often seem helpless and lose themselves in their own world. That is why it is important not to set too many reasonable limits. If, for example, the child is allowed to stay up longer than usual, it is important to give him an exact time at which he must then go to bed. An older child may stay outside longer during the holidays or on weekends, and must be at home at the latest at the appointed time.

Of course, borders can also be used very flexibly. This can be the case when doing homework or when the child has a very special request. This is helpful, for example, when shopping. The child may choose a maximum of one part, this may not exceed a certain amount. When dealing with strangers, it is important to set limits for the child. They help the child like a thread and guide him through his life.

Show consistency

Nothing is worse in parenting than being inconsistent. Children notice very quickly when father or mother are compliant and do not stick to what has been said clearly before. If it follows – then you should adhere to this. The same applies to constant repetitions. If adults say umpteen times that the child should tidy up his room, there is still chaos when going to bed, the child no longer listens. If the father or mother then shows no consequence, the child sees no reason to tidy up his room. This is especially true for situations that repeat themselves daily or often. Only if both comply with the previously discussed consequence will the child be ready to abide by the agreed rules.

Of course, the parents themselves act as role models in this case. Things that you do not fix yourself also fall into this category. In this way, the child can experience inconsistent behavior on the one hand with the parents themselves and on the other hand through their own behavior. If the child reminds you of what you were going to do, you should thank the tip briefly and then show that the consequence is not a bad thing. Neither for father or mother, nor for the offspring.

Show and demand understanding

Understanding is required in all situations. Children have a completely different view of things and situations than adults. They simply cannot understand some things and therefore need understanding parents who patiently explain everything to them. Small children often become stubborn when they are not understood and refuse by repeatedly saying “no”. However, teenagers defend themselves differently. You turn away from your father or mother, look for other caregivers such as friends, teachers or other people of the same age. Understanding is always required when the child no longer knows or can no longer do it. This can be the case with illness, with problems in school also with many other situations.

However, the child must also learn to understand others. This can be towards parents, friends or other people. If another child does not want to play, there must be understanding and the ability to respect it. Even if the parents just don’t have time, the child must be taught to understand. To make this easier, the father or mother should give the child a time or something else that he can use to orient himself.

Reward and punishment

Rewards and punishments should be used sparingly rather than too generously. In addition, they should always be adapted to the respective situation and not exaggerated. If you reward the child, a kind word or stroking the head is often enough. In general, father or mother should not praise things like brushing teeth, homework and the like as good, as they are an integral part of everyday life and therefore life. You can compare these situations with housework or a job – adults are not praised for that every day. Proper praise can encourage and encourage good behavior in the child.

The same applies to punishment. Penalties only make sense if they are pronounced promptly and in the correct ratio. A complete ban on playing with friends, weeks of parlor arrest or withdrawal of pocket money have an effect, most likely will not bring the success that the adults want to achieve with their upbringing. If the child comes home an hour late from playing, it is a good solution if they are deducted from their playing time that hour as punishment the next day. On the one hand, it learns punctuality, and on the other hand it has been given the negative consequences for behavior very promptly.

Convey etiquette and morals

First, the child learns what behavior is desired at home and what behavior the parents do not like. It learns to respect father or mother, knows how to behave and is gradually taught different values. Table manners, getting dressed properly, personal hygiene and the like are also part of raising children. Only when the child has learned this in their own environment can they show their behavior outside. It learns to return greetings to strangers and knows how far it can go anywhere else. A guilty conscience will also show up if the child knowingly did something wrong.

This etiquette and also a morally correct one behavior are important so that the child can always integrate into society. To do this, it needs to know what is wrong and what is right. If the child knows that you cannot steal, he will quickly feel guilty if he made this mistake. If it tells the truth, the punishment shouldn’t be too heavy. After all, the child recognized his wrongdoing and presented his mistake. This step should be praised by the father or mother and have a negative consequence for the wrongdoing.

Take time for the kids

Time is also an important factor in education. Even if this is often scarce, the father or mother must be willing to devote their little time primarily to the child. This applies to games together, while eating and in all other daily situations. Unfortunately, parents who are often under stress tend to quickly say that they don’t have time now. It is important to the child, because they may not have learned to wait yet and they urgently need the legal guardians at that moment. In addition, the child quickly notices when adults are in a hurry, constantly looking at the clock or maybe even trying to end a game or reading aloud more quickly.

Therefore, you should always plan a little more time than usual. It will be worth it to bring up the next generation, because they also have to learn that you don’t always have as much time as you would like. Fixed rituals or joint ventures should never suffer. Good planning and an orderly daily structure are helpful for the father or mother and good for the child. If there is more time than expected, the child will be all the more happy. It is certainly often difficult. Working mothers and fathers in particular, who jump back and forth between family and work, can hardly find time for themselves. Only in the evening, when the children are asleep, do the two have a little time for themselves.

Tips for single parents

Raising a child alone is difficult and exhausting. However, single parents can be as happy as others. It is important to organize everyday life well, to get help and to treat yourself to something. Even if you as a single parent have to cope with the stressful everyday life without a partner, the situation has something positive. Single parents can decide all parenting questions themselves and often there is more time for themselves. Planning the day in advance brings additional relief.

If there is no permanent partner at your side, then single parents should look for support from friends and family members. There you will not only find help, but can also exchange ideas, do something together and have some distraction from everyday life. Especially when the single parent is also working, there should be a second caregiver. This can take care of the child when he is sick, so that father or mother can do their regular work.

Single parents can also avail of financial aid. In addition to child benefit, there is the option of applying for parental benefit, child allowance, housing benefit or similar financial means. Of course, the other part is dependent on the child. To get more information on this, single mothers and fathers can get free advice. Of course, the youth welfare office is also helpful.

Parents who raise a child without a partner take on almost all of the upbringing alone. That’s why it’s important to give yourself a little time. To relax once a day, take a deep breath and only do something for yourself, that’s important. Additional options for relaxation are mother-child cures. If friends or grandparents offer themselves as babysitters, single parents should accept this offer without feeling guilty.

When the kids get older

Everyday life will change over time. This process is completely normal and always requires flexibility from father or mother. They find their first friends in kindergarten, want to go play there, or bring their friends home. Then parents often mistakenly feel pushed back. The little ones suddenly prefer to play somewhere else than at home, find everything there much better, etc. This is a completely normal development process that is very important for the child.

Of course, the child will also want to express his or her own opinion. When it comes to teenage years, the next changes will soon become apparent. Here it is important that the father or mother talk to the child as openly as possible, have understanding, but still set clear boundaries. The child tries to find himself in this phase and keeps discovering new pages that often do not suit the adults. No matter how old the child is – understanding, listening and patient guidance are always important factors in the upbringing.

Educational problems in puberty

The child now changes not only externally, but also internally. Your own personality is shaped and can change significantly again at this time. This is precisely what makes it difficult for the child to find their way through puberty. They are no longer oriented towards their parents, but often towards friends. They mimic their appearance and often fall into the same language. In puberty, father or mother often do not recognize their own child. It is important to give him this time of self-discovery. Colored hair, a different style of clothing and also the language of the teenagers are part of it.

If the adults now exert too much pressure, the child will keep turning away. It is therefore important not to lose contact. This also means that father or mother listen again and again, show interest and of course also be interested in the friends and hobbies of the child. Even if these do not match your own ideas. As with any of the parenting styles, limits and rules are very important during puberty. These are now completely different and should be set out in such a way that the child and the legal guardians are satisfied with it.

Now father and mother have to learn to be more considerate. The child wants privacy in the room. The door is now often closed and talked to friends about things that do not concern the parents. The child has his secrets from the two, because that too is an important step on the way to growing up. The first real difficulties often become apparent in this development phase. Alcohol, drugs and the like can become an issue during puberty. If the teenagers have only ever been banned, never given explanations, the problems are often too great to be solved by the adults within the family. Then professional help from outside is needed, which intervenes in the upbringing.

Education for independence

If you only want to raise your child to be self-employed when you are a teenager, you will face great difficulties. Even small children can learn to do certain things themselves. If the child goes to kindergarten, it should learn with the help of the parents to dress themselves, brush their teeth, etc. As the child slowly grows older, tasks are added. Do your own homework, which is then only checked for completeness by the legal guardians, small purchases and errands can be taken over, the child can take care of the pet, etc.

The earlier the kids are raised to become self-employed, the better. They learn to take responsibility, can distinguish important from rather unimportant tasks and know so early that there are things that need to be done despite reluctance. Of course, the child can also do this later guided become. If all tasks have been relieved of his father or mother for years, they can hardly explain the change and can hardly make it understandable. Small children often want to take on certain tasks. Then it is important that the parents give the child a chance to try it. Perhaps easy tasks that have been taken over by the father or mother can also be assigned to the child. This independence and also responsibility strengthen the child if it can successfully complete the task.

Contact with teachers and parents of friends

Conversations at school are important. Either there are fixed evenings, or the legal guardians are asked to go to school if the child has problems at school. These conversations between legal guardians and teachers are not always easy. Many feel attacked when teachers express criticism of their own child. After all, the teacher only sees the child a few hours a day. However, he experiences it in a completely different environment. It is important that both sides can speak their minds openly and that a good solution can be found in the child’s interest.

If the grades deteriorate, the transfer is at risk, or children often skip school, the contact between the legal guardians and teachers should be very close. A short telephone call every day is enough to always be informed about the current events. In addition, the child knows that the teacher will immediately inform the legal guardians. Contact with other fathers and mothers is also helpful during the upbringing. If the child has a best friend, the adults should also get to know each other. Not only the children, but also the adults benefit from the situation, since there is usually a good exchange here, and they often make friends with each other.

Sexual education

The child’s sexual education should not start too late when it is brought up. If you only educate your child in your teens, you will surely be too late. Even small children who know the difference between girls and boys can be taught age-appropriate. Certainly many ask how the babies get in the stomach. Here father or mother should not avoid the topic, because shame would also be in the wrong place. Telling the child at this age that a child is born when a man and a woman love each other is often enough for the child to answer.

If the child attends kindergarten or primary school, they are already confronted with this topic. Numerous books that give the offspring an age-appropriate answer are also helpful when it comes to sexual education. Sexual education is very important before the child reaches puberty or if it is already in this phase. Teenagers should be aware of pregnancy, venereal diseases, contagion and contraception. Only adults who speak openly to the child about this topic during the upbringing can explain the necessary things to him.

The father or mother must not impose the topic on the child. Even if there are friends, it is better to keep silent. If the offspring come to the adults with questions in this regard, they should take enough time and answer all questions as precisely as possible. There are also special advice centers for teenagers. Because even for the child, it is not always easy to talk to parents about their first love or sexuality. If the topic is kept silent and there are no educational lessons at school, the child has no one to help and advise on the topic.

Factual education about alcohol and drugs

Showing off with drugs or alcohol is perfectly normal among friends at this stage of development. You want to outdo each other and often boast about things that you really didn’t do. Still, many teenagers die from drug or alcohol abuse every year. It is the duty of the legal guardians to talk about this topic in good time and to give explanations. It makes no sense to issue bans that do not contain any reason. It is important that the child is shown and explained what consequences alcohol and drugs can have.

On the one hand, this includes dependency, on the other hand the individual steps with which a dependency begins. The child needs to know that beer can be just as addictive as cigarettes and drugs. Anyone who brags as a teenager that a joint is not bad should know that this entry-level drug quickly leads to other drugs. A special drug advice center that only cares for young people is also helpful here. Trained staff and street workers with a lot of real experience educate the teenagers and can help them with pictures and illustrative material.

Help with educational problems

No matter how understanding the father or mother is, there can be problems with the upbringing. Once a family has reached the point, many adults feel like a failure. Some are also afraid and do not seek help. That is the completely wrong way. Getting help from outside is a sign that father or mother are willing to change and improve the situation. There are many points of contact who can help parents and children alike and resolve conflicts.

youth Welfare Office

The youth welfare office is known to all fathers and mothers. It is most frequently contacted in the event of problems. It not only helps with conflicts or problems, but also supports single fathers or mothers with maintenance issues or the like. In some cases, the youth welfare office is also activated by the school. This is always the case when children skip school for an extended period. If adults have problems with their upbringing, they can initially seek advice by telephone, and even anonymously at some offices. Many fear that the children will be taken away from them. This only happens when the child’s welfare is at risk.

The youth welfare office offers counseling interviews, provides household and educational help, provides parents with day care for the child and has many other options for being able to help individually. Adolescents who are primarily the contact person for the child are also placed by the youth welfare office. They even talk to the teachers, look at the lessons and try to mediate and find a solution in a mutual conversation between all those involved. If the situation escalates or if the father or mother does not take care of the child, the child welfare office can put it in an institution for their own protection.

family counseling

Pro Familia is the best-known advice center for families. It is not part of the youth welfare office, but advises families with problems independently. Therefore, many fathers or mothers and children seek help here first. A family counseling center will always talk to each individual family member, and only then will they seek a conversation with everyone involved. Trained staff are very helpful, since the conversation is properly conducted in the presence of a stranger, which means there are no arguments or even verbal abuse.

Parents and teenagers are advised, including both parties individually. Father or mother who has difficulty raising children can contact this position as well as teenagers who feel misunderstood by adults. Pro Familia and other counseling centers of this type have the option of requesting further help and can of course also work together with the youth welfare office.

psychologists

A visit to the psychologist is the same as to the youth welfare office. Many are afraid or ashamed to use this help. It is important that both parents and children seek professional help whenever problems and conflicts cannot be resolved by themselves within the family. Psychologists can not only analyze, but after several conversations they know exactly where the problem lies. You can then propose therapy that consists of conversations and that helps each individual family member. The family moves closer together, which means that you are able to talk to each other again at home. Psychologists also work with other counseling centers, or are mediated by the youth welfare office, for example. Father or mother generally have the choice of which psychologist they want to go to, because without trust and sympathy, psychological help will not be successful.

Conclusion

Children are something very beautiful in life. They enrich everyday life and almost every couple wants to have their own child sooner or later. However, children also do a lot of work. The little person needs care, love, attention, care and a good upbringing so that he can grow into a healthy and confident person. There is no age that is perfect for having children. A young mother can be as responsible as an older mother. It always depends on the own values ​​and the own personality of the legal guardians.

A stable environment, sufficient personal life experience and a regular income provide security for the family. However, they are not a guarantee. Poor and rich parents can raise children of both sizes well. Father or mother have to be patient, turn back their own needs and, especially in the first few years, adjust completely to the new earthly man. Women who want to build something up professionally later become mothers. If the classic family model is the first choice, the young mother can take care of the children at home, while the father earns the money for his small family.

Finding the right time to start a family is almost impossible. Your own maturity plays a very important role. There are many women who would still like to live their own lives at 40, who do a lot and cannot imagine being a mother. Others, however, are very mature at a young age. You may still go to school or university and have enough sense of responsibility to take care of a child. Once you have decided to do this, parents are not only responsible for 18 years. Your own child always remains a child that the mother and father will still need in later life.

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Christina Cherry
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