Rules of conduct: information about etiquette for children, kidsgo

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Children’s etiquette – compulsory or free

The other day we met an adorable old lady on the street. "Oh, that’s a pretty doll!" She said to my daughter. "What’s it called?" No answer. The friendly old lady leans down a bit to communicate with Lilli at eye level. "Is this your favorite doll?"

Again nothing. I stare nervously at the tips of my shoes, nudge Lilli and whisper to her: "Now tell me the name of your doll!" Persistent silence.

"Would you like to have a candy?" The stranger starts a last attempt to contact. My two-year-old grabs the candy and lets it disappear into her pocket at lightning speed – without a comment, of course. "Thank you?" – Nothing. The old lady is waiting. "How do you say?" I also try my luck with my otherwise brilliantly educated offspring. Nothing is said, obviously. Instead, Lilli is hiding behind me. I smile apologetically at the old lady. "Well, say goodbye: It’s still small.

Always nice and friendly.

"She could have said thank you anyway," I think to myself. On the other hand. the woman was completely foreign to my daughter. and didn’t Lilli’s behavior express healthy suspicion? After all, I’m the one who keeps preaching to her that she shouldn’t take sweets from strangers without being asked. Images of missing children, pedophiles and child molesters suddenly appear in my mind’s eye.

In the evening, I tell the story to my husband. He can not really understand my fears and does not see the "thank you question" so closely. With his own, probably man-specific, "energy-saving attitude", he comments on my courtesy demands with a simple: "Oh, let them go. It’s not that important. ”He is clearly wrong, at least according to a current Stern survey. Because good behavior is in demand now more than it has been for a long time.

Good behavior is "in"

Over 70 percent of those surveyed regard good manners as a success factor when looking for a job. And as the # 1 educational goal. "Good behavior," says Dagmar von Cramm, author of the "Children’s etiquette for parents," is the goo that makes the family engine run better. "Children who know manners feel more secure in new situations because they know how to behave. Good behavior also enables the other person to approach you in a friendly manner.

Please, thank you and goodbye

"Good manners" – even if the term is reminiscent of abrasive white shirt collars and raised index fingers – describes nothing more than the rules of the game for dealing with each other. What the individual understands by this is often a matter of attitude, but some basic elements apply across the board and can also be learned by two-year-olds. The easiest way for children to learn the basic rules for friendly interaction, greetings, goodbyes and table manners is through rituals that are introduced at an early stage.

TIP: Formulate positive requests

Prohibitions challenge defiance. It is easier to follow positive formulations with reasons that the child can understand. For example: "You want your Getting the car back safely, so please be careful with Marie’s teddy. ”

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Role models are key

Even the baby waves enthusiastically to the mom when he says goodbye, covers the teddy bear with a blanket when he is supposed to sleep and tries to eat porridge with the spoon when the family is sitting together at lunchtime. This means that one or two spoons go wrong and that everything has to be touched and crumbled at first. If the mashing with the porridge becomes a mere provocation because hunger has long since been satisfied, it is time to intervene. Consistent action ensures family peace and gives the "newcomers to behavior" important guidance.

Exceptions are allowed

If the rules are clear, there may be exceptions. For example, a “finger food day” on which all family members can sip spaghetti with their mouths. And so can playfully discover that the use of a spoon and fork can be a valuable help.

The inner attitude counts

Good behavior should have nothing to do with drill, but should express an inner attitude. In addition to the learned thank-you and greetings formulas, it also includes being able to put personal interests behind or sometimes not always utter everything just “because it’s the truth” (which may unnecessarily hurt the other). At least as important is the experience that rules also apply to the big ones and that the “behavioral obligations” also go hand in hand with “rights”. For example, the right to be allowed to say “No!” When strangers or acquaintances want to be hugged or hugged. Or adults simply push their way through the shopping queue.

Above all, this includes accepting the limits of one’s fellow human beings and not crossing them without being asked. Incidentally, a point in which we adults do not always lead by shining examples. Just think of how often some well-meaning strangers put their heads in the stroller of a newborn without being asked to pat it on the cheek. Has she wondered beforehand how the helpless little dwarf feels when he is suddenly "attacked" by someone who smells and looks very different from mom?

TIP: Adjust claims according to age

A two-year-old cannot eat without spills, but quickly realizes that he will be excluded from eating together if he throws the cutlery on the floor for the umpteenth time. For a five-year-old, handling knives and forks may still be a challenge, but he can already hold a cup so straight that he doesn’t spill his cocoa. Adjust your good behavior requirements to the child’s abilities and needs.

Conclusion

Good behavior has much more to do with heart formation and consistency than with trained behavior patterns. The easiest way for children to learn what is desired is for mother and father to set an example of what is important to them in everyday life. The best chances of success come from those who succeed in incorporating the rules into everyday play. Then good manners express what they are intended for: a respectful, attentive, polite and equal dealings with each other.

Good behavior: what children learn at what age

Every child is unique, also in the speed of its development. The following overview should therefore only be understood as a rough guide:

Two year olds can do that:

  • Understand the magic words "please" and "thank you" when they are exemplified – supported by gestures,
  • understand that cutlery and plates belong on the table and should not be thrown down,
  • sit quietly at the table for a maximum of a quarter of an hour (after that the child can get up).

Three year olds can do that:

  • Say "please" and "thank you" and return a friendly greeting,
  • wash hands before eating and do not touch and put back all food while eating,
  • do not speak with your mouth full,
  • wash hands after each use of the toilet,
  • hold your hand in front of your face when yawning, sneezing and coughing,
  • when talking to his counterpart look at and endure eye contact,
  • Accept breaks from others,
  • respect your own and third-party property and treat it with care,
  • Watch out for living beings (people, animals, plants) and do not torture them (e.g. pick flowers, but do not crush them).

Four to six year olds can do that:

  • say good morning after getting up; greet when you come and say goodbye when you leave,
  • wash your face and hands in the morning and evening and brush your teeth,
  • use a handkerchief after sneezing,
  • Eat spot-free, chew with your mouth closed,
  • remain seated at the table for the duration of a meal,
  • laying at the table or helping with clearing,
  • do not belch, fart or pop in public,
  • apologize if you were defiant or angry.

Sometimes children do not yet have the physical requirements for certain manners. For example, a child who has difficulty holding a pen or scissors will rarely be able to use a knife and fork. So give your child a little more time. It is very helpful for children if you create an environment and atmosphere that makes good behavior easier. For example, nice table setting with you, with tablecloth and flowers. Or use children’s chairs that are the right size to sit relaxed and upright at the table.

Source: Franziska von Au, etiquette for children, Urania 2oo5.

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