Separation with children
A separation with children is a unique emotional challenge for the whole family, because no matter what age the sons and daughters concerned are: They always suffer from the separation of the parents, because they love both equally and preferably together with both in one Want to live in a house or an apartment.
However, this is rarely possible – instead, one parent usually moves out of the shared apartment, while the other stays with the children.
In the opposite case, it can happen that the children are torn out of their familiar surroundings, visit new schools or kindergartens and have to build up a completely new circle of friends. This is often the case if the permanently responsible parent wants to build a new life with the children in another city for various reasons. This is a great emotional burden for the children because they have to completely reorient themselves, which they do better or worse depending on their age and temperament.
Children of school age or even during puberty are fully aware of the prehistory of a separation, which has often been preceded by a dispute lasting for months or even years. Small taunts among the parents, but also unpleasant silence strain the children and they make their own rhyme about it.
Many children then withdraw into themselves and do not let anyone approach them. Others tend to orient themselves outside of the family and can hardly be seen at home. Once the separation step has been completed, there can be a phase of relief, since there is a dispute and "thick air" are no longer common at home.
Separation of parents and the consequences for children
For children who are allowed to stay in their usual four walls, not much seems to change at first. Over time, however, problems arise, such as considerably less money for the rest of the family, because two households now usually have to be managed. In addition, there is less presence of the permanently responsible parent because he may have to work more to fill the household budget.
Sometimes children get to see the other parent – usually this is the father – only rarely or the contact is completely lost. Perhaps because the responsible parent is not happy to see him, which the children usually feel. Or the interest in the next generation disappears because it has been more or less limited before.
In all cases, children have to cope with the fact that one of their parents has been lost more or less permanently. This can have far-reaching consequences. Naturally shy children often tend to withdraw and suffer silently. Others become aggressive up to the development of behavioral problems and school problems.
Very small children are probably best able to cope with the separation situation because they have often not yet been consciously aware that mom and dad are no longer living together and that one parent is rarely seen. Most of them are able to quickly adapt to the new situation. Nevertheless, her first early childhood experience is that relationships can be fragile and that children are no guarantee that parents will stay together for life. This experience has far-reaching consequences, because many separation children adopt this relationship experience into adulthood and often have difficulties in their relationships themselves, so that separations are inevitable. They don’t believe that even in difficult times there can be solutions and ways that can help to maintain the relationship with the couple – precisely because they experienced it differently as a child.
Conclusion: A separation with children is difficult and emotionally stressful for everyone involved. The separating parents should always keep in mind that the well-being of the children comes first – even if you feel so hurt and betrayed by the other! Against this background, custody issues – perhaps in the presence of neutral third parties – should always be reasonably and objectively clarified, and decisions made financially and comfortably in which the well-being of children takes precedence.
A very good guide is the rescue plan for separated children.
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