Review of the guidebook and workbook titled Das Kind in dir muss Heimat finden by Stefanie Stahl (Kailash Verlag).
“What an authority!” That was the first thing I remembered when I saw an interview with her on Youtube. The psychologist and author sat there calmly, radiating competence and a steadfastness that impressed me. She spoke in short sentences, the content of which gradually penetrated deep into my mind and each time a lamp went on somewhere! “I am not a friend of hard work…”, Mrs Stahl put on record. The way to inner balance does not have to be connected with great effort, she says, and opened doors for me…
The child in you must find a home from Stefanie Stahl (Kailash Verlag)
Beliefs stand in our way
I am therapy-tested and know about the hurdles and complaints when working up, understanding and letting go of the past. But is it really that simple? Is it enough just to become aware of outdated beliefs like “I am not enough! I am always a burden! I must not feel! really? A remote attempt auf´s own self…
Sentences like “Could it be that you forgot to enter the data?” get me up to speed! But not to work productively on the job, but to frenzy of thoughts: “Does she have to say that in that tone? She knows the answer! Why is it always so subtle? I already do what I can…” and so on and so on. That is exhausting and, according to Stefanie Stahl, unnecessary. Because I’m not in adult mode, but my shadow child sends me signals like “You’re not okay, you always make mistakes”. The term “shadow child” is a metaphor for negative imprints that we acquired in childhood. On the other hand is the Sun Child, which stands for the positive guiding principles in our lives: “I am loved! I am important” etc. The aim of the exercises, both in the guidebook and in Stefanie Stahl’s new workbook, is to strengthen the adultICH´s with a simultaneous healing of old mental injuries. Instead of running frustrated durch´s office and blaming my boss for my suffering, I say to myself: “I’m okay! Making mistakes is okay.” And leave obsolete thought patterns with it. My team leader is certainly not aware of how offending I found her choice of words. We alone determine our truth!
The child in you must find a home from Stefanie Stahl (Kailash Verlag)
Autonomy and commitment – the right balance
How do I know if my inner reaction to a situation is appropriate? After all, anger, disappointment or sadness feel justified in the first moment. If it gets out of hand, if strong fears or compulsions plague me, or if I feel so restricted that I cannot freely shape my life, the shadow child reigns unchecked and prevents us from inner maturation.
The right balance between the desire for autonomy (I stand up for myself and my desires) and the need for commitment (I want to be part of it and get recognition) is a daily and central human conflict. If we are mentally healthy, it should be possible for us to switch back and forth between the two areas. A stable self-esteem is supportive here. I have the latter, but it was still difficult for me to stand up for myself for a long time. As a child I learned to put my needs in the back. Now that I am an autonomous adult, I have to remember that external conditions have changed and I can shape my own life. When I react to criticism again with inappropriate inner anger, I either switch to the rational mind of the adult Ich´s or speak to my happy sun child to regulate myself. The more often I do this, the better it works.
The child in you must find a home from Stefanie Stahl (Kailash Verlag)
The guide Das Kind in dir muss Heimat finden appeared in 2015 (Kailash Verlag) and became a bestseller. Many readers searched for their unconscious beliefs, hidden individual protection strategies and inner healing potential! The workbook published at the beginning of the year is an additional tool, with many exercises and templates for working with sun and shadow children. The instructions are easy to understand and to implement.
As an experienced therapy visitor, I have used the reading to refresh my knowledge of self-healing processes. If you suffer from depression or chronic grief, phobias or other psychological problems, I recommend treatment by an experienced therapist. Here the books of Stefanie Stahl can be used additionally.
I wish you all a stable and harmonious inner home.
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This article was published by Nanee Seven on June 8, 2017.