Upbringing: that's why too strict an upbringing damages your child

by BUNTE.de Redaktion September 19, 2017 at 7:30 a.m.

Strict parents raise their children to liars. Claims a British psychotherapist. We’ll reveal what’s in it …

As parents, we want to make everything perfect. But is that even possible? How much discipline is too much? And the other way around: Does my child dance around on my nose permanently if I allow him a lot and let it go? Sure, anti-authoritarian education cannot measure either all Things be. But how do children develop who are brought up with a strict hand??

Little fuss doesn’t hurt anyone. And if the offspring swears stone and leg that he had "really, mom, honestly" washed his hands before the meal, even with soap, but which does not pass the touch or smell check, that does not make a notorious liar from your child. Because how often do we answer ourselves on the Ask "How are you?" With a dishonest "Good!", Although we carry around some worries that we prefer to keep to ourselves at this moment.

Prohibitions and punishments promote lying

But constant prohibitions and punishments create an understandable anti-attitude in children. And why should the offspring truthfully answer parental questions when it is clear from the start that this will only threaten the next unpleasant consequence? It is much easier to say what father or mother wants to hear.

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"By insisting on hearing the truth, parents may put children in a situation where they feel compelled to lie," believes Philippa Perry, a British journalist and psychotherapist. In a radio interview with the BBC, she said that austerity puts parents in an uncomfortable position for their children, they feel uncomfortable and may feel compelled to lie. The result: If the truth comes to light later, the parents feel betrayed and may resort to a severe punishment. The offspring see themselves confirmed and the next time they will only refine their version of the (un) truth more skilfully so as not to get caught. "If a child lies to save himself trouble, it is a situation in which both sides are complicit."

Strict parents damage self-confidence

A study from the USA also confirms this finding: With the support of the "National Institute of Child Health" and the "Human Development National Institute of Mental Health", the scientists examined the development of children of dominant and strict parents. They initially observed the adolescents around the age of 13 and repeated the examination when the subjects were 21. The result: offspring from an authoritarian parents’ house struggle to express their own opinions and to communicate them confidently to others. In addition, these adolescents appeared to be more influenceable and much more susceptible to peer pressure. These results lead to the conclusion that particularly strict parents are unhealthy for their children’s self-confidence.

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What to do if the child is lying?

"You can’t judge a child for a lie. We’re not doing him a favor. Instead, we should be curious and interested in a lie and seek our share in it, ”advises psychotherapist Perry. “Anyone who reacts sternly and ungraciously in the face of a bluff doesn’t make the situation any better."