Uterine homesick – from good parents

Uterine homesick - from good parents

uterine homesickness

Not so rare parents ask me in the first days of childbirth: “Do you think our child can still be a writing baby?”. Some know that I have completed a further training as a “writing baby consultant” (or long: body psychotherapeutic crisis intervention in pregnancy, baby and toddler time). Perhaps it is close to the assumption that I could look at the child or the situation, how crying-intensive the following baby time could become. Of course I can not do that. In any case, I’m not a friend of the word “writing baby” because it stigmatizes the child. Nevertheless, of course, many parents terms such as the Schreibabyambulanz as a helping entity a term. But what is a writing baby??

The classic rule of thumb, according to which the cry baby cries for at least three hours a day, three days a week, for more than three weeks, has fortunately more or less served. Because she does not do justice to the parents, whose child screams “only” for two hours and fifty minutes a day. And can parents really only get support after three weeks? No, that’s nonsense, of course. Parents can and should be able to get help if they feel overwhelmed with the situation. This time is very individual. It depends on the course of pregnancy and childbirth, but above all on personal resources.

Therefore, even a baby with very high needs can be easily accompanied by his parents without them coming to the end of their powers. Maybe they are well embedded in a network of helping friends and family members. Other parents are faster at the limit with a child, which is actually less screaming. Maybe also because there are other additional burdens. Therefore, no rule or superficial view from outside can say what is a child with very high needs for their parents.

“Easy care” and “lucky”

But back to the initial question about the “writing baby”. It usually comes for a simple reason. At first, the baby falls asleep quite reliably after breastfeeding or feeding. It can be easily “put off” and sleeps maybe even at night for three or four hours at a time. This is not so rare in the first few days. Many newborns sleep at first, so to speak, always and everywhere. Especially first parents often have the idea that they now have “happiness with the child”. Or they think it already has “a good rhythm” or is “easy to maintain”. I always recommend parents to use this more relaxed time to recharge their own powers. In addition, I warily point out that this behavior likes to change again. This is true for many – but not all – children when they are two or three weeks old.

Because then many babies are a bit more “demanding”. Suddenly, the conditions must be exactly right for the baby to fall asleep easily. Safe, full and secure – that’s what babies are usually in close maternal vicinity. I “warn” the parents because they usually like to think that they have done something wrong when the child suddenly sleeps more restless or appears altogether more satisfied. But the increasing unrest preferred in the evenings usually has other causes than parental incompetence. But whether it’s a growth spurt or an increased intake and processing of new impressions, it does not matter in the end. Midwives also like to call it womb-wilting when the babies are suddenly satisfied only with direct physical contact and preferably with constant access to the food source.

Uterine woe at two or three weeks overtakes many babies

Because this ideal scenario, the babies finally had about forty weeks of pregnancy. So many babies, some from the beginning, many from the third week of life much more needy, as regards the parental closeness. Usually, this quite exhausting phase collides with the end of the leave of the fathers after the birth. Good, then, if a little parental leave is feasible afterwards and this is not taken in ten months to make a long journey with baby. Because just the normal everyday baby life with household and Co. is often the big challenge. Even at the permanent lack of sleep you have to get used to.

The good thing about strenuous baby phases is that they end up as well. In the foreseeable future, they will always be replaced by phases in which everything is a bit easier. This often happens in the fourth and fifth month of life. Then many parents can recharge their batteries. You will need them when the children learn and experience a lot of new things with half a year at a time. Then suddenly there is a lot of reinsurance due to increased proximity or a greatly increased breastfeeding frequency. Of course, these phases can not be calendrical for each child. But the womb woe at two or three weeks overtakes many babies just as reliably as a changed sleep behavior and a great affection with about half a year. I know that sometimes one does not hear the phrase “just one phase” …

Breastfeeding, shaking, buzzing …

But it’s just that our children are developing at a rapid pace, especially in their first year of life. Often, a stressful phase for both parents and children is crowned by a new milestone in development. Each of these small and big steps, be it the first turn or the independent sitting, makes our little darling a little more independent. Also the womb hysteria does not last forever. At least in retrospect, it only takes a short time before the babies move farther and farther away from their maternal and paternal arms.

Even our third child was no longer “only” satisfied with his hourly breastfeeding in his uterine woes at night. It then wanted to be jerked on his arm. The whole usually accompanied by my totals, that the son seemed to calm down. On further sleep was of course not to think of the program. I was not used to much of my daughters at night, but after all, every child is different.

Of course, I noticed the high sleep deficit during the day and at that time, beside the afternoon nap, I went to bed with all the kids at 7.30 pm. Most of the time I slept before the big ones. Of course, Christian also spat and hummed, but somehow it was also my and Babysohn‘s very special nights. In which, hopefully, the little man got that security and closeness to overcome his uterine homesickness. It was good for me that Christian took over the lively sleep robber at 5.30 am.

Support and chocolate

How long was that? No idea. Just as one forgets contractions and other times of strength and trepidation as a mother, here too my concrete memories fade quite quickly. That’s why enough parents still choose several children, because the beautiful moments just stay in your head.

Yes, you need support in these stressful baby phases. You need good food and on some days also a lot of chocolate or whatever else is good for you. A good network of family and friends is the best resource here. Unfortunately, in today’s nuclear family times, it’s far too rare. That’s why you have to learn to prioritize. The household, for example, may and will be neglected. E-mails can also be answered later or even not at all. If it really matters, the one will be back. Purchases and food are welcome.

It’s only a short time when our children need us so much. And when you notice that the high needs of the baby overwhelm you, you can get help – even without the “Diagnose: Schreibaby”. The supervising midwife is certainly a good first point of contact. Sometimes relaxation techniques for mother and child as well as small tips to relieve stress in everyday life, sometimes a continuing support offer such as the Schreibabyambulanz the right way. There is no patent remedy that applies to all parents and babies. Such phases may feel exhausting – but it should not be bad for the parents. Because parental strength is and will not be negotiable.

This entry was updated in December 2016.

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