When parents raise differently

Many parents disagree on raising children. The father often reacts more softly or more relaxed than the mother. Does that harm the children? Children experience very different parenting styles in their immediate and wider surroundings. Parents have different ideas, grandparents in turn follow other ideals in the education as parents. Encountering children with very different views about education is part of their everyday life.

And it is just as common to experience that parenting relationships take different forms: contact with parents is different from that with the teacher or teacher, that with the grandparents is different from that with the neighbor. The child experiences different parenting styles by feeling them as lived models. It learns to compare; it learns which model is more appropriate.
Different styles of upbringing make children realistic, give them self-confidence and self-confidence so that they can find their way in different situations in everyday life.

Place parenting styles on a common basis

However, with all differences, two principles must always be observed:
• Children need to know who or what to stick to in situations
to have. If there is no agreement here, children play the participants
against each other.
• Different parenting styles may not be used by adults
be used to ingratiate yourself with the child: “With me
are you allowed to do more … “, or the other caregiver emotionally
belittling: "I am nicer to you than …" This brings children in
conflicts of loyalty.
Different parenting styles have nothing to do with the fact that some educate better, others worse. Rather, the differences have to do with closeness and distance to the children. The closer you are to a child, the more you are involved in day-to-day business, the more you experience and experience the normality of the children with the children, the more you experience education as stress, the more the children know it Weaknesses of their parents. And children, father and mother experience child rearing all the more irritated and angry.

Our family is a good team?

who the Bears the brunt of the decision. If the mother has to bear the consequences in the morning that the children have been brought to bed by the father too late, the father has to withdraw. He could perform his bedtime ritual on the weekend, when there is a different rhythm of time anyway.
➤ A third decision criterion can result from the greater expertise – but not: know-it-all or just concern! – surrendered to a parent. If a mother knows from experience that a child needs less sleep, but the other needs more sleep, then she provides the basis for the decision just like the father who knows from his life experience how important physical exercise is for the child.
Different parenting styles require common ground and always a lot of agreements. However, they are indispensable for children because they can get to know their parents’ very specific skills.

Agree on boundaries and rituals

Different parenting styles are ok as long as there is agreement on them border and rituals exist. What distinguishes different from improper parenting styles.

Create consensus about borders and rituals

Distance sometimes leads to more serenity and generosity. A distant relationship sees some things more loosely, while too close contact often makes the forest no longer visible for the trees. And here is the chance of a fatherly relationship with the children, as it is the fathers who, because of the full-time job (still mostly reserved for men / fathers), have the more distant relationship with children. Distance does not mean the absence of emotionality and depth. But a distant relationship needs to be cultivated – it can be broken down into rituals. The advice of some fathers that they are time-bound and therefore cannot establish a relationship with their children does not pull. Many children see this as an opportunity: while the mother often sees everything and everyone, gets caught in the details, the father can relativize maternal power, but not: question it.
Having different parenting styles means that everyone agrees that boundaries, rules, rituals and traditions are necessary, but also that they can be interpreted differently. The children must know what they are up to with their father, mother, grandfather and grandmother.

Different and different parenting styles

Of the different Parenting styles are different disunited Parenting styles. They are not compatible and have no common denominator. The disagreement of parenting is never about the child’s best interests. Rather, the disagreeable parenting style tugs on the child. Father and mother, but also parents and grandparents are in a competitive relationship. Everyone wants to prove to each other who is the best. The child’s needs and well-being are only advanced.
There are often unresolved partnership and relationship conflicts behind divergent parenting styles. Father and mother, parents and grandparents vie for the child’s favor, excel in material excellence, without realizing that the child is being driven into conflicts of loyalty.

Place parenting styles on a common basis

Agree on boundaries and rituals

Create consensus about borders and rituals

Different and different parenting styles

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