When the living room becomes a delivery room – choice of place of birth – family never land

When the living room becomes a delivery room >> Choice of birthplace

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Choice of Birthplace 2.0.

With my renewed pregnancy, sooner or later it will be time to choose the right place of birth for the baby. Yes, it almost seems a little crazy that I write this post, because at my first pregnancy, I thought completely different about this topic, the topic home birth. Every woman today has the right to freely choose her birthplace! Incidentally, that was not always the case; in the past, only women from higher social classes were allowed to go to a clinic for childbirth. I am convinced that the choice of place of birth is always linked to the birth process, because only in a place where the woman comes to rest, can relax, there will be a trouble-free birth. For some women this place is the clinic, for others a birthplace or a familiar environment.
I remember telling Niklas that I could never give birth to a child at home, because I was always afraid something might happen to me or the baby. I even described a home birth as irresponsible. Now when I think back to my words, I know one thing today: damned, I’ve changed a lot in the last two years. I matured as a person, my views have changed a lot and a lot that moved me then does not anymore. I am moved and touch completely different things. I am stronger, know exactly what I want for me and my family and can express my wishes. So I cautiously but definitely expressed a wish to my husband – it must have been about three months ago. And since then, a family project has matured, has received forms and colors.

We get our baby at home.

We get our baby at home. I keep the cursor ticking for a while, sinking my thoughts before I continue to write.

Our second child will be born in a safe and comfortable environment, our apartment. Quiet and quiet it will be there, familiar (for us) and a cozy atmosphere that we will shape ourselves according to our wishes. Hopefully. At least that’s the plan. I imagine a home birth now very beautiful, of course, painful, but still beautiful. And above all one: self-determined. This time, I want to feel good, do everything a little differently. Quieter. Comforting. More beautiful. Everything much more experience instead of just living through. How I imagine my birth in detail, I do not know exactly. I think that will form a clearer picture in the next few weeks.
Of course, you can not plan a birth properly, because it can ultimately happen, many things often goes differently than you had imagined. But – on this point I am very sure – one can express his wish and accordingly prepare for the birth, to exchange oneself, to create a birth plan and to provide for eventualities.

How did my wish come about??

For the first time pregnant you have no idea what to do at birth, what fatigue you expect. I felt the same way with Samuel, we did not even know the gender of our baby. But it was clear after a few delivery room visits that I would give birth in the nearby hospital. All really typical. Only one thing was rather unusual for the first child: it should be an outpatient childbirth (after all, it did not turn out to be, but this is not the focus here). I have never told you about Samuel’s birth – because it was a very intimate moment for me, but also because I first had to process what actually happened. What happened to me above all. In hindsight, the birth was anything but beautiful for me and the longer I think about it, the more dissatisfied I am with the process. Lens-wise, she was not that bad, but I often see her as a small trauma and I’m reluctant to think back to the birth, apart from the first moments with our Samuel. I wonder if many things could have gone differently if I had not felt so alone if I had felt more comfortable. The birth process is for me still my sore point, one that I still have to nibble on. So I think there is a strong desire to make it different this time.
So far, an extra-hospital birth was unthinkable for me. I was all the more surprised when the thought suddenly popped up and since then is omnipresent. Actually, it was more of a strong one gut feeling, I have since the beginning of this pregnancy. I do not know why, but suddenly I could not imagine myself in the delivery room anymore. Instead, I had a deep desire to keep my baby safe at home. I wish for this child a self-determined birth, away from bright hospital lights and sterile rooms that smell of hand sanitizer. I wish our baby could arrive in the world with even more peace than Samuel did.

The reactions.

When I first expressed the wish for a home birth to Niklas, he was not at all thrilled. He expressed concerns and concerns. But Niklas would not be Niklas if he did not ask for my reasons. We had a long conversation and ended up with a smile. My husband had strengthened me, again, his back, he agreed. And even though he still has an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach while thinking of having a birth at home, he is fully behind me and will, I am sure, support me. It is not just anymore my Decision, but our – and that feels so nice!
My mom did surprisingly different than expected, almost relaxed when I told her about our plans. Luckily, she does not usually talk to me when I make a decision. Sure, she did have a few things to consider, but basically her reaction was positive. The reaction of Niklas’ parents was very mixed. We were faced with many questions. Whether we would have considered that well, whether we have informed ourselves about the risks and and and. Fortunately, they do not try to dissuade us from our decision – because they know that would not change anything anyway. Our friends reacted completely differently. Some thought it was great and others thought that it was way too dangerous. I think some had great respect for our project (for me, however, now incomprehensible) – would even make a home birth, according to their own statement.

Ultimately, it is only our ‘Niklas’ and mine, the decision we have to carry. It was very important to me that Niklas also feels comfortable with the final decision. Now we have decided as a family, together.

Our way to the home birth.

Of course, the first step was, at least one Find midwife, who still manages births. After the legal change and the high Selbstvesicherungskosten for midwives, these are very rare and, above all, booked out much too quickly. That’s why I tried to find a midwife in the sixth week and finally found something. You do not even believe how much I trembled before the first meeting, because I hoped so much that she also suits us. In addition to the qualification, sympathy is very important to me, after all, this woman will spend the most intimate hours of our lives with us. We were very lucky, because the midwife, who visited us for a conversation, was immediately sympathetic to us and we had a long conversation.
Already in the pregnancy with Samuel I had some preventive examinations at my former midwife and this time we will handle it again – with the small but subtle difference that this time the midwifery based prevention will prevail. This means that I will go to the doctor only in case of problems and one or two ultrasound examinations, the rest will be taken over by our midwife. I am very happy about that, because this is how we get to know each other well before the birth and can talk about many things in advance.

Mental preparation. I also want to prepare a little differently for the birth than in my first pregnancy. Relaxation techniques and regular sports are now part of my everyday life. I will think about my wishes and ideas exactly and again and keep them in writing, because that way I can talk more purposefully with my midwife about, for example, a birth plan. Relaxation and breathing techniques should help me to cope with the pain better this time, maybe even go into a kind of hypnosis, in which I can completely hide it. I am still a complete novice in the field Hypnobirthing and maybe it does not work. But you know, I just want to be open about it and see if it might help me. And if not, then I have relaxed at least during pregnancy on a regular basis – with a toddler in hand, that may not even be so bad. Through regular exercise I want to improve my physical fitness and thereby support my body during pregnancy and regression. Especially my connective tissue is very limp (that has always been a problem) and is happy about any support.

Find alternatives. I would also like to deal with alternatives, in the event that a home birth is not feasible. I do not want to have to think spontaneously into which clinic I drive or what I pack in my hospital bag. Therefore, Niklas and I will go back in and maybe even go to the delivery room visit, because I’m not sure if I would want to give birth again in the same hospital, should it come to that. These things should be clarified in the course of pregnancy in order to have a plan B in case of emergency.

The foundation stone for our desired birthplace has been laid. I’m honest, I have not been so excited for a long time. I wish very much that our third child can be born at home in a tight circle and we can make a unique experience. Keep your fingers crossed, yes?

Do you have any questions about our upcoming home birth, or aspects that you are particularly interested in, perhaps also experiences that you would like to share? Then please write under this post here in the comments.

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Christina Cherry
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