Limiting children is sometimes a real challenge. For children, borders are an indispensable building block for their personal growth. Children always test the nature of the world. This is normal and is part of natural growth. You are born into a culture and a time and also a family that simply has certain rules. And these rules form something like a framework for the child. Every child strives to get to know this scaffolding and to find its way in the world in which it lives. It constantly scans the nature of these rules or this reality. These rules are needed because they are something like the walls of reality. And if these rules or limits change constantly, the child can no longer orientate. It is as if the child wants to climb a climbing frame on the playground, which is made of rubber and keeps changing its shape.
So setting limits is one way for parents to take care of their children. Perhaps you will discover that you are not particularly adept at it. I also always thought I would set clear limits. But I have observed that my limits were also very vague and therefore torpedoable again and again. And that was exhausting. For all.
How about you? Keep your children within their limits?
It is quite normal, by the way, that we as adults tend to set soft rules. Because everyone has their own characteristics and brings them into this process. It is therefore up to you to observe your own imprints, to examine them and to learn how you can provide a structure for your child within which your child can experiment with it in a protected manner. It is nothing more.
Limits are just a structure that gives your child support. Only through the boundary of you is it able to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Without limits, children are boundless. The space that is available to him – namely the whole world – is much too large. A child who grows up without reliable boundaries will later have little clarity and certainty about himself and his own behavior. So it has an enormous impact on how and what limits we set for our children. Within limits or family rules, your child can spread out its wings, try it out and get security from you.
In addition, rules mean a certain reliability for your child. Someone takes care of me and gives me support. And wherever your adult authority is not in the room i.e. even if you are there, but your authority and attention are not on the child, they are missing. The child then becomes afraid of the room, which is too large, and often compensates for this fear with noise and loud things. And yes – then they also take up space.
Can you imagine that the lack of boundaries causes fear and this fear results in the child’s noise and dominance?
A child’s call for boundaries is the unconscious desire for a reliable world. If children have no limits, they will provoke them through bad behavior. They will let us know that they are firm, however loving Need limits. For children, boundaries are confirmation that our love for you is responsible and also in a way. Without boundaries, children’s reality has no form at all. The rules dictate a form. If they are stretchy, children become scared and cannot do anything with them. So your child becomes anxious without rules and realizes that they have to find their way alone because nobody else cares about them.
Would you like to know more about setting limits??
Then take a look at the mini course "Lovingly set clear and stable boundaries for your child".
Who is writing here? Simone: the treasure discoverer
My specialty is to bring mothers into their inner strength so that they can be her Life can live freely and self-determined in harmony with themselves and the family. I have that for me discovered myself some time ago and have many additional tools available so that you can implement this for yourself. That is why I can accompany my clients so well on this path.
If you would like to be supported by me, arrange a free and non-binding discussion with me. I will be happy to answer your questions and clarify with you which form of cooperation would best suit you.
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