Your inner child – finally happy, learning future

Your inner child – finally happy

Do you know that? You strive for a goal, have always worked at full power to achieve it, but somehow … it doesn’t work. Somehow you seemed to be sabotaging yourself.
this can often be due to an internal conflict. Something unsolved. A non-healing relationship with others or yourself. The instance in you that identified you as a child.

A sad inner child full of worries (Schattenkind) awaits you at the beginning of the workbook. Scroll curiously as I wait backwards as the colorful smiling inner child is filled with happiness (Sonnenkind). (Stahl (2017) The child in you must find a home. Workbook & Steel (2015). The child in you must find a home The key to solving (almost) all problems)

These two are the linchpin of Stefanie Stahl’s instruction manual in the self-coaching process, which explains how we uncover our parental beliefs and the dark side of our upbringing and free ourselves from them.
The instance in between is that Adult i. The ratio. The thinking person &# 128521;

What is the inner child

Self-esteem and beliefs

We all carry unconscious psychological programs that essentially control our feelings, thoughts and actions across our lives. These psychological imprints arise essentially in the first years of childhood because our brain structure is still developing very strongly during this time.

This also gives us the strength and nature of ours self-worth. This is one of the main factors in how we deal with relationships, whether and what kind of fears plague or protect us.
The self-worth in turn feeds on the so-called Beliefs that largely determine our thinking and are mostly unconscious. This can be, for example, "I’m okay" or "I’m not okay"
And you can imagine that this will make a big difference in this person’s life.
Working with and questioning beliefs is one of the exercises that Stefanie Stahl developed from psychotherapy and made accessible and applicable in simple language.

The basic psychological needs

We are only allowed to meet four basic psychological needs to be happy

The need for commitment

The child’s need for attachment can be frustrated by the parents through neglect, rejection, or abuse.

The need for autonomy

As a child we want to explore our surroundings, curiously we examine everything that comes between our fingers (and in our mouths). The enemy of this is too paternalism and excessive caution of the parents> lack of independence

The need for pleasure satisfaction

Gain lust and avoid pain. Frustration tolerance, delayed reward and renunciation of drive. If there is too much intervention here, enjoyable hostile norms and compulsive behavior could arise. Excessive pampering can disturb pleasure satisfaction, it is difficult to curb cravings> addictive behavior

The need for recognition

the feeling of being welcome. (mirrored self-esteem arises, for example, when the little one is always smiled and touched lovingly. At Magnel, dependence on external recognition can result from it> Perfection, harmony or striving for control are possible consequences

Build basic trust

Sun or shadow child

It is about making friends with their shadow child and how they can promote and develop their sun child. It is important to form new beliefs and to anchor them in your feelings. In addition, the shadow child has acquired a series of protection strategies that need to be resolved and that treasure strategies should be developed instead:

The protection strategies of the shadow child

If a child becomes frustrated in his needs, problems with his self-esteem and attachment often result. In order to compensate for this uncertainty and bad feelings, it unconsciously seeks a solution or a protection strategy. This self-protection arises by either fighting on the side of autonomy, that is, independence, or on the side of commitment, that is, dependence.
The basic mechanism is the suppression of unpleasant feelings or, in the case of more serious experiences such as rape and physical violence, a split off or dissociation.

EXPOSURE

A basic protection strategy is to avoid emotional contact both internally with the uncomfortable feelings and externally with the other people. There are five strategies for avoiding contact: the projection ("The other people are stupid"), the introjection ("I am stupid"), the retroflection ("I feel nothing"), the deflection ("I have to distract myself") ) and confluence ("I have to adapt to you").

perfection

Typical belief: "I am not enough". These people are unsettled in their self-worth because they have been frustrated in their need for recognition. For perfectionists, good is not good enough. They are never satisfied or even happy, mistakes make them vulnerable and must be avoided. The shadow child is protected by not offering anyone a target for criticism. First aid: I can make mistakes. Mistakes make me likeable and I learn from them.

Überanpassung

Typical beliefs: "I am not enough. I must not defend myself. ”The pursuit of harmony often goes hand in hand with the pursuit of perfection and a pronounced helper syndrome. These people often suppress their own needs so much that they don’t even notice them anymore. The shadow child is protected by sacrificing myself for others in order to avoid rejection. The paradox of it: I am often rejected and left because nobody knows what he is up to with me. First aid: I can say how I am and what I want in order to become more visible to my fellow human beings.

striving for power

Typical beliefs: "I am not enough. I shouldn’t trust anyone ”. These people project a potential superiority into their fellow man, which they counter with rebellion. The shadow child is protected by placing myself in a superior and independent position and controlling the situation. Two strategies are used: active and passive resistance. With active resistance I argue a lot and insist on my right, with passive resistance I indirectly refuse to act through larger and smaller acts of sabotage. First Aid: The world out there is not as bad as I think. I can trust myself and others more and show them goodwill and empathy.

I stay child

Typical beliefs: "I am not enough. I am weak. ”The shadow child is protected by keeping myself small and dependent and taking over the ideas of the parents. I often feel guilty and make things nice to myself so that I don’t have to act. First aid: I can make mistakes. I am not in the world to meet the expectations of my fellow human beings. I can shape my life according to my own ideas.

avoidance

Typical beliefs: "I am not enough. I am at the mercy of you. ”These people have been frustrated in their need for autonomy and in their need for attachment and react to it with a permanent escape or even deadlock reflex. For example, when I am exposed to permanent paternalism in childhood, I can neither run away nor fight back, but go out of contact internally so that I no longer have to feel. This is called dissociation. The shadow child is protected by protecting myself from being overwhelmed by avoidance, withdrawal and flight. First aid: I can defend myself, set limits and represent my needs.

addiction

Typical beliefs: "I am not enough. I am at the mercy of you. ”A special case of avoidance is the flight into addiction. To avoid emotional closeness, alcohol, nicotine, drugs, tablets or sweets are consumed. Buying, work, play, sex or sport can also be an escape option. The shadow child is protected by fulfilling the need for pleasure satisfaction. First aid: My problem of lack of emotional closeness is not solved by satisfying addictions. I need loving care.

narcissism

Typical beliefs: “I mustn’t feel. I am worthless. ”These people have learned to protect their shadow child by acquiring an ideal second self without weaknesses. Narcissists conceal their poor self-esteem with a particularly shiny facade that nobody is allowed to look behind. First aid: I have weaknesses and strengths like other people. I stop fighting my weaknesses and accept them

[see. Bartsch, Working with the Inner Child: The Shadow Child and the Sun Child. SEIN Magazin and Stahl (2015). The child in you must find a home The key to solving (almost) all problems]

There are a number of books and methods for devoting yourself to the Inner Child and his healing. With her self-coaching method, Stefanie Stahl provides us with an easy-to-read, but at least in-depth guide, which could be worth the time investment &# 128521;

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