Argue right - family disputes

From a small discussion, a real argument can quickly be broken off the fence. Learn how to stay on a respectful level in your family here.

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We all know it – a small discussion about table setting, brushing your teeth, homework or a cheeky answer can quickly turn into a real argument. Especially in families, the mood can heat up quickly, after all children (and parents too!) Take thoughtless utterances much more to heart when they come from people who mean a lot to you. Completely understandable, after all, the opinion of our loved ones is important to us. Besides, is Disputes generally do not consider anything bad and completely normal – after all we are not angels – as long as there is healthy arguing. Because when arguing, we learn a lot about the needs of the other person. Disputes are therefore important for the development of children but also of interpersonal relationships, as long as the goal is to resolve the conflict.

It only becomes problematic when statements are made that disparage, hurt or make the other party feel that they are not being taken seriously. To avoid this, when arguing in the family, a few rules can be drawn up and a few things can be consciously observed.

Our family rules:

1. Every family member counts

In a controversial situation, it is important to acknowledge and take seriously the opinions and feelings of each family member. You, too, are probably familiar with the situation that one is simply annoyed or stressful in ending an (perhaps supposedly unnecessary) argument and wanting to cut off the other party – either the children or the partner. Here it can help to establish the rule as a family, to let every member speak and speak. In the end, nobody feels that their own feelings are not important. The rules of the dispute can usually be better followed once they have been written down and signed by each family member.

2. Bele >Insults and swear words have no place in a dispute at eye level, this applies to both your kids and you as parents. This is not always easy, once you are really in a rage, but insults usually hit deeper than they are meant. Depending on how old your children are, they still have to learn that words can hurt. Here you can set an example that insults in a dispute are out of the question. Of course, one may criticize: However, it is important for you as mom or dad to make sure that you just criticize your child’s behavior, not his personality himself. So your child still has the certainty that you love or appreciate how it is. Criticism of the personality itself would permanently weaken the child’s self-confidence and self-esteem.

3. Accept apologies

Another important rule: let 5 be straight. Of course, when an apology is made for misconduct, all anger or bad feelings do not automatically go away. Nevertheless, this should Sorry to be appreciated and accepted: It does not help any of those involved to address the same misconduct again and again, although it has long been seen. On the contrary: when children feel to get, Your apology would be of no value, rather arises despite what may lead to another dispute.

4. Reflect on dispute

Everyone dispute is over at some point and you can learn from each argument (as from almost all situations in life). After an argument, it is advisable to reflect on the situation again later: How did this argument arise? Have I said or done things that I want to avoid next time? And has the cause of the dispute been clarified in order to avoid future disputes on this topic? Discussing these things as a family can also help create a sense of community.

Quarrel is part of life. As long as mutual respect for one another is clearly recognizable, quarrel is also healthy. Especially for you as parents, it can help to hang up a few rules or features for arguing, for example on the fridge. So the instructions for “right Arguing ”(by parents and children) quickly internalized and the risk of hurting someone less.

In our podcast you can learn more about harmony in everyday family life: