What is the defiance phase for in children? Baby and family

When children become defiant, it strains the nerves of the parents quite a bit. What the little ones learn in this phase

"But I don’t want to go to bed yet!"- In the defiance phase, children can be stubborn

When the subway stops in the dark tube and the driver makes an announcement, the transformation begins. Merle was just beaming out of her buggy and flirting with other passengers. Now she pushes her back through, twists the corners of her mouth and starts screaming.

Tears roll, red spots form on her forehead – signs of the highest emotionality. She gets upset because she sees her plan in danger: get out of the buggy, up the escalator and down to the bakery. Merle is 20 months old and in the middle of the defiance phase. She roars when we put Kai, the shark, aside while she is changing, even though she wants to cuddle with the plush egg. And rages when her thick head does not fit through the sleeve of the body.

Defiance phase is the process of umbilical cord

In these moments, parents feel what Sabina Pauen calls"Process of self-efficacy" designated. It starts automatically and helps the little ones to become people with their own will and goals. "Self-efficacy arises from dealing with the caregivers", explains Pauen, professor for development and biopsychology in Heidelberg.

Parents then suddenly find themselves confronted with children who are angry because they want to put on their socks alone, and who slip through their fingers like fish because they prefer to play rather than eat. Many experts also speak of the autonomy phase instead of the defiance phase because it is about a process of umbilical cord. It is important for the child – and begins long before the first tantrum.

Screaming reasons are becoming more complex

"When children cry for the first few weeks, they have no clear goal. They do it out of a simple need, for example because they are hungry", says Sabina Pauen. Her brain matures over time. They are increasingly aware that their behavior causes direct reactions in the environment: I do something – and something happens. I scream – and get my chest. At around four months, most children are able to remember simple relationships.

You can gradually implement your wishes in a more targeted manner. And they develop linguistically and motorically. "At around one and a half years, children know very well what they can do. They have realized that they and others are acting on purpose and can make plans", says Sabine Frevert from the Bielefeld Institute for Early Child Development.

Parents can influence the defiance phase

During this time, most children recognize themselves in the mirror – and the first tantrums begin. The little ones know that people have intentions, but they don’t realize that they don’t always match their own. "They are only that far at around two and a half to three years old", so Frevert. Before that, they lacked analytical skills and self-control. You can’t stop your anger, though mummy or daddy through what they thought was a brilliant plan that would lead them to the candy on the shelf, for example, via a chair.

They also learned as babies: when they cry, their needs are met. Which is also good. But as they get older, they have to find other strategies. Many find it difficult. "If they then cry out of frustration and anger, parents often react negatively. This upsets the situation, and in the end there is a tantrum", says Pauen. She is currently investigating how parents deal with the defiant child the development self-control and analytical ability. Pauen is certain that the reactions of the environment play an important role. They can be one reason why children defy themselves in very different ways: while some parents seem to despair, others worry about seemingly no defiance.

Defying usually stops at kindergarten age

Both experts agree that a bundle of factors determines the extent of the defiance phase: the children’s environment, their temperament, their language and motor skills and their self-efficacy.

They look very individual: "Linguistically fit children do not necessarily defy less than children who are not yet linguistically fit", gives Frevert as an example. In kindergarten age, defiance slowly ceases for most of the little ones. You learn to communicate, sometimes to stick back.

Defiance phase is the process of umbilical cord

Screaming reasons are becoming more complex

Parents can influence the defiance phase

Defying usually stops at kindergarten age

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