What children really want

What children really want

An old saying goes: "Everyone is a blacksmith of their own happiness." We know how much truth there is in this sentence. But sometimes it is not so easy to be happy. Once you have been touched by misfortune, you will not find happiness so quickly. But why is that? Why are many people so unhappy? Let’s take a look at our society. This is characterized by power relations, social injustice, wealth and poverty.

If you have not learned in childhood that you are worth something, that you have strengths, there is the possibility of becoming a notoriously unhappy person. Parents have the responsible task of forming happy children from their children, conveying love to them and showing limits. Once a balance has been struck, children have a good chance of a happy future.

What children really want

Some parents think that this question is easy to answer. They believe that it is entirely sufficient for children to be given something to eat every day, to be provided with toys and clothes, and to have it warm and clean. But if the basic needs are met, why do children often contradict, do not obey and drive mom and dad furiously quickly?

First of all, there are no naughty children, there are children who behave naughtily. One is the child as a person, the other is a behavior. There is an immense difference in that. The child is degraded in its self, in its independent person, when parents say: "You are a naughty child." How do you want to remove this attribution? It’s easier to criticize a child’s behavior: “What you just did was wrong. Apologize for your behavior. ”The child learns that it is not a naughty, possibly naughty and angry person, but rather shows naughty, not appropriate behavior from time to time. This behavior can be changed. Once a write-up is made, it cannot be easily withdrawn.

Back to the starting point: What do children want now? And above all, what else do children need when their basic needs are already satisfied? A scientist ventured a research study after the end of World War II. At that time there were many orphans whose fathers had died in the war and whose mothers had died from serious illnesses. The scientist traveled across Europe and observed two different accommodations for children. Some were housed in homes, cared for by sisters, washed and dressed properly. He thought they lived in an absolutely sterile and clean environment. The other children were housed in villages and grew up among dogs, sheep and goats. The scientist based his investigation neither on the frequency of a smile, nor on the statements that the children made. He watched the death rate from a devastating epidemic and found that none of the village children were affected by the epidemic. In the orphanage, however, many children fell ill and died as a result. His conclusion was that the children in the village had more love and care than the children in the orphanage.

On the basis of these findings, it was shown for the first time in science that children need affection and love for survival. Simply satisfying basic needs is far from sufficient.

Of course, these results do not mean that only babies, toddlers and children crave tenderness and love. Adults need tenderness and physical touch just as little earthlings. As an adult, however, it is easier to formulate what you ask for. A crying baby cannot make it clear that it would like to be caressed now.

But not only physical love is important for children, but also an appreciation of their self. Loving and, above all, selected, praising words and appreciation are of enormous value for children. Care, suggestions, encouragement and being challenged is what children need in addition. They want you to listen to them, to involve them in conversations, they want to be taken seriously. Every working parent knows that there is not much space for such things in everyday life. That is partly true. You can wonderfully involve children in any kind of housework, explain to them how certain processes work. Older children can even help with the housework and find it fun to do something with mom or dad. Even the good night story in the evening is important because that is often the only time of the day when children can cuddle, nestle and quietly listen to the words of their mother or father.

Children need employment, they want to do something interesting. From every game, from every book, children absorb information into their brains and process it. Sitting down with the child, painting together, playing a game or just being present helps to make the child more appreciative. It feels through the presence of the parents that it is worth something, that it is taken seriously.

2.1 Scolding is better than doing nothing

A few years ago, behavioral researchers examined a well-heeled family that had two children. The boys were nine and eleven years old and lived in raptures. They even had their own play room with the greatest and most expensive toys. Seen materially, they lacked nothing. However, due to the frequent quarrels and quarrels, the parents turned to a research institute to find out why their boys showed such behavior. The researchers visited the family on a day when a party was scheduled to take place in the evenings. They kept an eye on what was going on in the house all day and noted that the boys were mostly in their playroom. During the party, the parents enjoyed themselves with their guests while the boys started to wrestle. They grew louder and wilder, so the father had to intervene. When he scolded the brothers, they smiled slyly, the father became angrier.

In the end, the psychologists informed the parents that the boys were not spending enough time with their parents and that the two were therefore fighting and arguing. Then they get the attention from their parents that they are actually entitled to every day and without being asked.

Meaningful employment and presence.

As mentioned earlier, children need attention and time from their parents. Children are enthusiastic about so many things, you can include them almost anywhere. Parents can create a cleaning day at the weekend, on which the whole family lends a hand and brings the house up to scratch. As a small gift, a family outing can be planned, a shared ice cream or a visit to the cinema can be arranged. An afternoon in the children’s room amidst building blocks, board games and colored pencils can be a lot of fun for children and parents. Many parents have forgotten what it means to be a child and are too busy with their own world. Nevertheless, it is important to take time for the little ones and give them exactly what they urgently need: attention, affection and love.

Listen to the kids

Listening is not the same as listening. We all know that. Sometimes we are so busy with a thing that we pretend to listen, but we actually don’t. Such behavior does not necessarily promote the relationship with the interlocutor. One could think pragmatic; either you listen properly or you leave it. But what is "proper listening"??

Case studies for clarification

The child comes home and wants to tell about his experiences in school or kindergarten. The parents feel that the child is disturbed, but they do not know how to help their pupil. Of course, they want to show their child how to deal with the problem alone, after all, they will be exposed to such situations more often in life. Parents are not always on the spot and can step into the breach for their children. It shouldn’t be that way either, because children have to learn to assert themselves and learn how to best deal with conflict situations. It is through these situations that children mature and become personalities who do not fail in every tiny conflict.

Over the years, parents train conversation structures that either place trust in the child or create deep furrows in the parent-child relationship. Active listening is the magic word for a healthy parent-child relationship. Which formulations should be avoided is shown below:

To patronize the child: "My poor boy, please leave that, I’ll do it for you."

Teach the child: “Guilt yourself. If you had listened to me, it would not have happened. I’ll tell you what to do. Listen carefully. "

Distract the child: "It’s not bad. First eat a biscuit. "

It is sometimes frightening to realize how to speak to your child. However, if you know about it, you can counteract this behavior and respond to the child by actively listening.

Little Daniel comes home from school and is asked by his mother about his day. He replies that he had a bad day. She asks her son to tell her about it, which Daniel begins with. But after he has finished his sentence, in which he complains about his math teacher, the mother steps in for him and wants to help him with his homework. Daniel then shakes his head and says that he left them at school. His mother runs to the phone and wants to call the director, but Daniel is unsure. His mother makes it clear to him that it is better to defend himself at the beginning before the procedure with the math teacher gets worse, but Daniel reacts monosyllabically. He is unsure. The mother dials the director’s number and expressly emphasizes once again that she does not want Daniel’s academic performance to drop.

Daniel’s mother patronizes her son and takes on the role of speaker, but Daniel is supposed to report on his day at school. Furthermore, it does not encourage him to do anything about his problem himself, but takes the reins in his hand. Daniel hardly says anything at the end of the conversation and lets his mother act.

Anna comes home from school and is asked by her father what her day was like. She replies that she has had better days at school. The father dismisses and complains that he would want to have a day like that. Sitting around at school and just having to listen, that was not an effort. Anna then replies that she barely got along in math because she can’t get on with her math teacher. Her father then gave a monologue that Anna should not speak so disparagingly about teachers that she had to be more careful, because then she would also understand what was being explained to her.

Anna’s father teaches his daughter. He asks her about her day, but talks all the time. Anna gets into a defensive posture, and she should only report on her day. She learns from her father’s behavior that she will keep her problems to herself in the future, since she is to blame for the misery anyway.

Sofie wrote a difficult math exam and is asked by her parents at home how it went. She replies that she is a little afraid of her grade, and the mother then offers Sofie a cookie. Sofie thanks politely, but expresses that she cares very much about her grade. Her parents smile and emphasize that they do not know everything themselves and that this fact is not bad. Then the father turns on the television and Sofie is asked which program she wants to watch.

Sofie’s parents distract her daughter from her fear of having a poor math grade. They offer her a cookie and immediately switch on the television. Sofie’s fears and concerns are not heard.

Active listening

Active listening signals to the children that they are indeed being listened to and told. Most of the time it helps children a lot. Parents don’t have to get involved, give advice, or solve the problem for their children. How exactly active listening works is explained below:

Daniel comes home from school, puts his rucksack in the hall and sits in the kitchen with his mother. "Daniel. How was your day? "Daniel only replies shortly:" Not at all good. "His mother pulls up a chair and realizes:" You look that way too. What happened then? "" Our new German teacher is very quick. "The mother cautiously responds to her son:" Are you afraid that you will not come after? "" Full. I asked him if he could explain the accusative to me and he said I should listen better. ”Daniel’s mother nodded. "OK. What did you feel at that moment? ”“ Well, I was angry, especially because my classmates also made fun of it. ”Daniel crossed his arms over his chest. "Do I understand correctly that you are annoyed because he showed you like that?" "Yes, that’s stupid in front of the others." Daniel’s mother nodded again. "What do you want to do now?" "I thought about going back to him after class." Daniel now looked more confident. His mother asked: "Do you think things will go differently then?" Daniel smiled. "At least I am no longer so embarrassed to ask. The others don’t listen anymore. Maybe he’s just insecure. We’re all new and strange to him. ”“ Do you mean that he may have problems himself? ”“ Maybe, we will make him nervous because he doesn’t know us and we don’t either. ”Daniel’s mother patted him his hand and kissed his forehead: "That is justified if all of your classmates are as smart as you are."

Daniel’s mother listened actively to her son. She was by no means silent, on the contrary. She has signaled that she is interested, has picked up Daniel’s thoughts and feelings and supported her son in developing a view of the problem.

If you learn this behavior, you will remember that it is not conducive to jumping into the breach for your child, relieving him of all problems and finding a solution. Parents give up the responsibility of having to find a solution for everything. You can leave the little problems of everyday life to your children, because they grow and benefit from them.

As described in the previous chapter, it is important to take time for your child. It is not forbidden to give advice when asked. But the children themselves should tell. They should feel encouraged by their parents to tell about their problems, knowing that they will be hugged and comforted, but should strive to find their own solution to the problem.

It is a slightly different case when it comes to injustice. An example: Dennis broke a leg in physical education and now hobbles around with a plaster for several weeks. When the plaster is finally removed, Dennis is still shaky on his feet. In physical education, the children have to run a large round around the village pond. Dennis, who is actually a good runner, has not yet returned to his usual form and is the last to reach the finish. His teacher then makes fun of him and lets him run around the pond again in his underpants. Daniel comes home after school and tells the story to his parents, deeply saddened.

Here, of course, parents have to take action. In this case, it is not enough to signal Dennis actively by listening that he can solve the problem on his own. 1. Dennis cannot clarify the situation on his own and 2. this act of the sports instructor is humiliating and must be punished. Otherwise there would be a possibility that such a situation would repeat itself again. Dennis’ parents immediately contacted the headmaster of the school and asked for an interview. A few days later, the physical education teacher was transferred to another school. Unfortunately, Dennis Glück can also mean bad luck for other children.

As parents, you have to be able to filter: when can the children solve their problems themselves, when does the parents need to intervene. An aid is if you ask yourself in the situation to what extent the child can benefit from their own solution. If parents solve the problem for their children, they hardly pull anything out for their own personal development.

Children and feelings

Only recently have people understood that it is important in child rearing to talk about feelings, name them and act them out. Does that mean that parents should let their angry kids start beating? Of course not. It is important to explain to the children how they are most likely to deal with their feelings. That "big boys don’t cry" and "girls are never angry" is an absolute humbug. Since when have feelings been gender-specific? A girl can be as angry as a boy can cry. If parents have internalized this and learned to deal with their feelings themselves, they are a good mirror for their children.


The word loneliness has a negative connotation and is almost always associated with sadness. Of course, you have to make differences here, because some children are happy when they play for themselves. If, after an exhausting day at school, you can sit alone and alone in your room and paint, do handicrafts or play in peace, you are fine. All parents should be aware that this is not the rule. But just as adults enjoy being alone for a few minutes, so are the children.

Of course there is another form of loneliness. This affects children who are permanently left alone. Nobody plays with them, nobody pays attention to them. Except for regular meals, paternity or instruction every now and then, nobody deals with such children. The little ones are lonely and show this by sitting in a corner of the room, not happy and exuberant. They look introverted and feel left alone.

Doing something about a child’s loneliness is relatively simple. The only catch: parents have to be aware of their mistake. They have to admit that they have emotionally neglected their child and have to be willing to change something about it. Spending time together, playing together, talking to each other, intensive get-togethers takes away the feeling of loneliness bit by bit.


Parents should first convey to their children and above all make believable that crying is an expression of sadness and therefore something good. Nobody is a "crybaby" when he lets his tears run free. On the contrary: crying has something cleansing, it is part of life. Whoever cries, overcomes hurdles in life more easily, can deal better with fatal blows. Anyone who has learned that crying is a sign of weakness will cramp inwardly and at some point will no longer be able to withstand the tensions. He will have to collapse and work up what has happened to him.

If parents teach their children that crying is good from an early age, they will be better able to deal with fatalities later in life. They learn from comforting words that they can let their emotions run free, that it is okay to cry. If the child is denounced several times as a "crybaby", it learns from it that it is a weakling when it cries.

Tears make strong – this principle should be internalized by parents and suggested to their children.

When children are angry, they throw things around or hit them. This is an inner impulse and by no means a learned behavior. The important thing here is to show the children that they may very well be angry, but that they do not let this anger out on other people. As parents, you have to show children how to control their anger because they don’t know by themselves. You should always ask yourself the question: What can be of use to my child if he or she has grown up? If I forbid my child to cry, what kind of personality matures in him?

Pushing anger away and dismissing it as violence is the wrong approach. Violence and anger are not the same thing. One is a feeling, the other an action. You can be angry and you can become violent if the anger is misdirected.

Children already learn in kindergarten that they are called "weaklings" if they show too little anger. In other words, they let everything be done with them, are the buffer for others. If they show too much anger, they are aggressive and nobody wants to play with them anymore. In the early years in kindergarten, children learn how to best deal with their anger.

Parents should encourage their children to express their anger in words, not actions. Children should learn to phrase that they are angry. At best, they should also be able to name the reasons for the anger. This development takes a while until children have internalized it and it is used. If children have problems expressing reasons for their anger, the help of their parents is required. Questions such as: "Are you angry that Daniel took your truck from you?" Or "Are you angry because I have been on the phone for so long?" Can help the children put their anger into words.

Leading by example can also be the key to the goal. Parents should say so in situations where they are angry, sad, or upset. From these deeds and formulations, children learn that mom and dad don’t hit either, but say when they’re angry and why. After a while, parents will find that they were a mirror and that their children will do the same. Learning through imitation is the key to victory.


Children are often humiliated by their peers, and occasionally humiliated by their parents. Adults themselves know that being humiliated is not a pleasant feeling. You are significantly reduced and your own person is not appreciated. From humiliation, children learn that they have made a mistake or that they have a flaw that helps others make fun of them.

The child must be strong enough to stand above such humiliations. It has to know how it opposes humiliation. This is of course a learning process that the parents should initiate and accompany. It is important to remind the child that it is great the way it is and that it does not have to be ashamed of anything. Showing the child its strengths, praising it again and again, helps to strengthen self-esteem and thus also self-confidence. If the child has developed a healthy self-esteem, it self-confidently opposes those who humble it.


Daniel is sitting on a chair in the kitchen with his arms crossed over his chest and pouting. His mother asks him what is going on and Daniel replies: "Nothing!" All parents have experienced this or a similar situation before. Sulking is like a play, it is divided into different acts. The first act consists of asking Daniel if something went wrong at school, if the weather doesn’t suit him, if he’s not doing well. Daniel is still clasping his hands in front of his chest and denies all of these questions. He starts to sigh and indicates that he is even worse than before. At this point, parents are mostly at a loss. How should you proceed? The poor child doesn’t say what it has, but apparently something is wrong.

There are two options: either parents react to the sulking, hug the child, distract him and thus fulfill the conditions of their child. But more on that later. The second option is to avoid jumping on the moving train in the first place. Daniel’s mother sees her son sulking in the kitchen. She goes to him and tells him that she loves him and that she would like to help him. He should think about what he wanted and then come to her, she was in the living room. This breaks up the "pout", the children think about what they want and usually follow their parents.

Sulking only works for parents who have a guilty conscience. There has been a situation in the child’s life that has made parents feel guilty. Children exploit this guilty conscience by sulking. You get your desired attention when and where you want. They have "conditioned" their parents.


To make one thing clear from the start: Shyness is not a feeling. There is also no infant who is born shy. Children are made shy by their parents.

Some parents find it cute when their pretty blonde girl is shy and loves to sit in the chair with guests instead of playing. Then things are always said, such as: "The child is well behaved.", Or: "The girl can behave, it has become a rarity." sitting in the chair and not playing with the other children. There are various reasons for this. For one thing, the girl may have been forced to make contact that frightened her (some children are afraid of a clown because it looks different and is also much larger). Another reason is that the girl may have been startled by a stranger when she didn’t expect it.

Breaking up shyness is not difficult at all. Children should generally not be shy about friends or acquaintances in the presence of their parents. Pausing the child to look each guest in the eye and say hello is a start. This is the first step towards being sociable. Looking at and greeting other people will make the child more sociable, easier to find friends, and more comfortable in the company of other people.

A natural shyness and reluctance towards strangers is natural and essential. If the parents are not there, the child can also be reserved and careful, this is a natural protective mechanism. However, a child should not be shy in the presence of parents.

Stay consistent

Children need clear boundaries and rules, because only when parents limit their children do they develop into independent and strong personalities. Children test, become stubborn and don’t obey. They break the rules and test their parents to see how far they can go.

Experience shows that children of strict parents are balanced and happy. Precisely because they experience rigor, but also know that they are loved. They are emotionally stable and know their limits. Strict parents don’t have to scold as often, because their stringency means that the children know how far they can go or not. Behavioral research shows that parents display three ways of reacting when they come into conflict with their children.


Aggressive parents are always angry with their children. They have the idea that their child is only "bad" and deliberately drives mom and dad crazy. Thus, these children are constantly shouted at and belittled. However, some of them understand this form of communication as love and roar back. After all, they also want to show their parents how much they love them. Conflicts come to a head, the relationship between parents and children is becoming increasingly problematic and will no longer relax without professional help.

There are also children who view the shouting as criticism, withdraw and crawl in their snail shell. Sometimes this ends up in serving role expectation. "I’m a bad boy, so I can hang around and do bad things."


Passive parents try to make everything right for their children. They are afraid of the consequences if they prohibit their children from doing anything. These parents don’t scream and roar, but try to reach their goal in a lowered voice. They do not formulate requests, but questions, because a request limits the child’s freedom. Children quickly sense how passive parents behave in conflict situations and take advantage of this. After a short time they already know how to dance around on their parents’ nose. But at some point there can be a bang. Passive parents let themselves be fooled too long and one day all pent-up feelings burst out of them. Sometimes such outbreaks result in wild abuse and sometimes even physical abuse.


In order to be able to act with certainty, parents must be at peace with themselves. They must have a clear picture of themselves in their roles as people, as mother / father and as relationship partners. Certain parents know where their strengths are, they go through life happily, because they enjoy it. Apart from the fact that they automatically transfer this image to their children, they act consistently and determinedly in conflict situations.

Make people aware: parents should make demands, not requests. Not getting involved in discussions, but deliberately demanding something from the child is a form of certain demeanor.

Establishing contact: It is very important that the child looks at its parents when a request or instruction is formulated. Parents should stop working when they are busy with something, go to eye level and make eye contact. Then the instruction is formulated, not beforehand.

Unmistakable: Parents should make it clear what they want from their children. Wording such as; "I want you to clean up your room immediately." … or; , "Did you understand that?" Are the right way and secure the child’s answer with; "Yes or no".

Repeat: If the child does not follow the instructions of the parents, the instruction is repeated again. It is important here that parents stay calm, do not become angry, but repeat factually the instruction again. Parents should under no circumstances engage in discussions or debates, because after all they have made a request which the child has to follow.

Closeness: Staying close as long as the child has not completed the task is urgently needed. When parents move away, children think that the parents have given up. Only being close to the child can ensure that the instruction is followed. It is also important that the child is praised afterwards. Don’t sing hymns of praise, please. A smile in combination with the word: "Super" is enough.

To be consistent means to understand the children, to formulate clear statements and not to give in. Parents should once again consider where this particular occurrence can take their children. People have to constantly pursue any demands in their lives, adhere to rules and occasionally put them back. A person who has never been set limits will not be happy in a society with norms and values.

family structures

If we hear the term "family", it is still associated with grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles, parents, children, cousins ​​and cousins. One automatically thinks of the happy couple with the two pretty children and the German Shepherd, who lives in an idyllic suburban house. As in many areas of life, the truth sometimes hurts a lot. There are hardly any such families, let’s call them, today. Statistics show that every fourth marriage is divorced, there are more and more single parents or patchwork families. That alone is a circumstance that we have to come to terms with today. It is no longer a shame when a marriage fails. Defeat is part of life. But it’s a shame when children have to get divorced. This does not always have to be the case, after all, there is the possibility to decide for the benefit of the child.

It is important that the parents agree benevolently, always aligned with the needs of their child. There are parents who are strong enough and build a friendship with their ex-partner. These parents know that it is not good for the children to hate each other and pull together. They develop something like a friendship with each other, which enables them to go on trips, etc. with the children after a breakup.

The grandparents often play less of a role than they did 40 years ago. Since almost every German can afford a car, moving has been the order of the day. In times of economic crisis, it is also necessary to move to wherever a job is offered. This usually leads to families being separated from one another. If you are very attached to your family clan, you will strive for occasional family reunions so as not to lose sight of each other.

Single parents, like patchwork families, represent a modern form of family. They have taken the plunge into the cold water that many shy away from. Some parents remain trapped in an unfortunate partnership because they don’t want to take mom and dad from the kids. The parents often only separate when the children are out of the house. But it is precisely then that it becomes more difficult for many adult children to deal with the separation, because until now they believed that everything was fine with mom and dad. Of course, this presupposes that the parents can play theater well, because most couples show that they are no longer happy. This is also how the children feel when there is disagreement between the parents. The appearance is still preserved and one day there is a big bang.

Single parents often report that they are better off alone than with a partner. They are never accountable to anyone, they do not have to coordinate with anyone, they are free to choose. On the other hand, there are the difficult age phases that have to be managed alone, the many situations in which you feel helpless and abandoned and want to scream for someone who spreads their arms.

Nowadays there are different family constellations, all of which work in their own way. It is important for each individual form that the parents are solid and the children are in good hands.

Tips for single parents

As a single parent, you are often hastily labeled as lonely. However, some people prefer to be alone rather than being trapped in a joyless partnership. However, as described in the previous point, there are some hurdles that single parents have to overcome. Here are a few tips that can make life easier for single parents.

As we have already learned, grandparents and other parts of the family do not live in the same place, you do not see them very often. It is exactly this family that you need more often as a single parent. What happens in the event of illness if the child has to be picked up spontaneously from kindergarten or school but you cannot get away from work yourself? What is the situation in which you need a shoulder to lean on?

Parents should keep their eyes open in the neighborhood. There are some older people who unfortunately don’t have grandchildren, but would like to have some. You could add these nice old people to your “modern” family. Social contacts are essential for people. Every now and then you see a young woman with her children while shopping, maybe you get to talk to her and more develops from it. Once you have started to integrate, friends will find themselves. You meet more often, the children play with each other. A girlfriend or boyfriend has been found to complain about and let out all pent-up feelings. There can be no question of loneliness.

By the way, it is also an advantage to make friends with men as a single mother. Every now and then it is very helpful to have a craftsman in the circle of friends, or even a man who can stand up to the adolescent boy. Having women in your circle of friends can also be helpful as a single father. If this father has a daughter, she may one day pester him with biological questions that only a woman can answer. If you have a good friend ready, she will be happy to inform the teenage daughter about many a phenomenon.

Building relationships is a difficult and, above all, lengthy affair, but with the help of friends and nice retirees, you can “build” a family that supports and helps when it matters.

Age phases

Every single difficult and less difficult age phase requires certain behaviors of the parents so that children feel understood and are taken care of. It is logical that a three-year-old child cannot have the same reaction as an adolescent during puberty. Every age requires special steps, special reactions. The following explains what parents should pay attention to at each individual age and how they learn to better understand their children.

Birth to 6th month

Infants of this age first explore their surroundings. They learn that they are no longer living in their mom’s protected belly, but are in a completely strange and new world. The unknown faces and objects have to be examined more closely and perceived as constantly recurring. There can be no question of upbringing at this age, because the infant only takes in information at first. He acts unconsciously, his thoughts are completely unclear.

Parents are faced with the difficult task of finding out what their babies need, because these can only be noticed by screaming. A certain routine soon comes into everyday life with the new earthling. Parents know when their baby is hungry, that after drinking it has to make a baby and how it is best to be comforted. In principle, it is important not to let the baby cry forever. This “measure” can lead to depressive and passive behavior. However, you shouldn’t run to the baby at the first croak, but rather wait a bit. From this the baby learns that it can do something to satisfy its needs; namely to scream.

Quite often you hear sayings like: "The baby is still so small, you can not do anything with it at all." Of course, this is not true, because the baby is happy about massages and about employment and affection in general. The infant cannot yet play in a targeted manner, but he learns from week to week – but only if parents are concerned with their baby. Babies who experience this kind of affection and employment will grow up to be happy children. They like to eat, laugh a lot and sleep well. They are completely satisfied and parents can feel this in their behavior.

6th month to 18th month

At this age, children discover the world. They crawl, crawl, take their first steps, make first sounds, name mom and dad. This time is a very exciting but also challenging time for parents as well as for children. Parents must ensure that medicines, cleaning agents and dishes disappear from cupboards, which children can easily reach. At this age, everything is discovered with the mouth, with the tongue. Imagine what can happen if a child sucks on a bottle of dangerous chemicals. Children want to be little explorers in this phase, they get to know their surroundings, their reference people, while parents have to take care of the safety of the little ones.

18th month to 3rd year of life

The child begins to think, that is, it understands simple explanations. In the meantime it has learned to express itself and speaks when it doesn’t want something. The defiance phase begins and parents should start to set rules and stick to them consistently. There will now be more and more tests of strength, conflicts, because the child will sit down again with the parents. A lot of strength is required of the parents at this age, but they also get a lot back from their children. By playing together, telling stories, reading and painting, parents not only promote the bond with their child, but also their intelligence. Children of this age want to be encouraged and challenged.

3rd year to 6th year

The time of the famous and important W questions begins. Children formulate a why, why, why question in almost every sentence, because they want to understand relationships, want to develop their language further. Parents should be aware that these W questions actually serve almost exclusively for language development. Certain relationships and functions are included, but not yet fully understood. It’s all about the children’s language development. Occasionally there will be situations in which parents want to react annoyed, especially then they should be aware of the importance of the questions. They help their children enormously if they answer these questions and, in the best case, save themselves unnecessarily expensive tutors later.

Children now allow relationships with people outside the family. They no longer play alone, they build friendships and act consciously with their friends. Little by little children learn how to deal with people, they compromise, express feelings and needs.

In this phase of life, too, it is important that parents consistently adhere to their rules. Children are still testing how far they can go. They want to assert themselves in front of their friends and learn that they can behave differently with other people. Children in this age group learn that their actions have consequences, they think and negotiate with their parents and friends. They are small, intelligent people who still need demands and support.

6th year to 12th year

These are the years when parents can have a lot of fun with their children. You can involve the children in recreational activities such as hiking, skiing, cycling and swimming. Parents themselves become children at this age, provided they allow it.

It is important that parents remain on the ball when it comes to supporting their children. Funding does not mean "overwhelming". Parents should still give their children time for themselves. Leisure activities such as playing in a football club or attending a ballet school are good for social skills and train motor skills, but should be kept within limits. Children have enough stress at school and also need time to react, to come down. Playing alone, meeting friends, doing things together with parents are very important at this age. Too many stringent leisure activities limit children too much in their feeling of freedom.

12th year to 18th year

Puberty begins, and with it the time when the children fledge. You are looking for space, you hardly feel like doing things together with your parents. The parents are sad about this and in most cases try to cling. They deliberately put their children in situations where they can talk to them, even if the children usually don’t want to. "We don’t talk at all anymore.", Often comes as an explanation for the clinging behavior. However, parents often play the taxi driver during this phase, they have to take their children to parties or friends. Using this time to talk is ideal because the children are in a good mood and full of anticipation.

Diet and behavior

It has been shown that a healthy diet, sufficient exercise and dealing with stress are three important components of child development. All three building blocks are interdependent and mutually influencing.


A healthy diet provides the basis for child behavior. With important nutrients in the food, children are more active in the game and enjoy exercise more.

Exercise and stress

If children are not adequately supplied with nutrients, this has a negative impact on coping with stress. Children are less able to cope with arguments with friends or parents, and feel more stressed. This stress can often lead to children eating out of frustration or losing their appetite. Parents should train their children in stamina, strength and speed, because research has shown that a combination of these features reduces children’s stress. Physical activity prevents sleep disorders, nervousness and restlessness and can be experienced as a joint activity with the parents.

9.3 What is a balanced, healthy diet??

Meals should be varied and healthy. You read that again and again. But what exactly does "varied and healthy" mean? Is it enough to eat an apple every day? Should parents prohibit their children from eating sweets? An optimized mixed diet should offer children a balanced diet, should encourage them to exercise, and should keep them fit. Plant-based foods such as fruits and vegetables are healthy and also strengthen the children’s defenses. Drinking a fruit juice every now and then is also good for children. But you should make sure that these juices are as unsweetened as possible because fruit already contains enough fructose.

Meat and cheese should only be consumed in small quantities, and high-fat food and fast food should be avoided almost entirely. There can be sweets in moderation, not in bulk. Younger children in particular can be enticed with colorful fruit and like to try out new dishes out of pure curiosity. Involving the children in the process of preparing and cooking is also part of a needs-based diet. Children like to participate in "adult activities". When cooking and preparing, you can have a say and see in raw form what is later cooked, fried or cooked on your plate.

Children need happy parents

Parents are often divided into two parts: one part takes care of the household and the care and employment of the children, the other part does a regular job and takes care of the financial security of the family. It is important that every part feels comfortable and happy in its role. In the course of the previous lines it became clear that children cannot be happy without emotional care and love. It is the same with adult people. Child rearing, housekeeping, going to work, these activities challenge people. This stress and strain cannot be compensated for simply by eating. Parents need an emotional and strong partnership, friends and their own hobbies. You have to be aware that they are not just parents, but people with needs.

Parents should recharge their batteries. There are friends and acquaintances who give energy and those who take energy. In the long run, it does not work if you constantly interact with "energy robbers". So it is important to probe: who gives me strength, who hugs me, who can I lean against? And: Who is crying with me all the time, who keeps complaining, who hardly lets me have a say? Words like mental garbage cans fall and complicate the relationship with certain people. It makes sense to exclude people who are rather power and nerve-wracking from the closer circle of friends and to maintain honest friendships. Here are some tips on how parents can recharge their batteries

Get a babysitter: leaving the children with your grandparents for an evening or even a weekend can have a positive effect on the partnership. So there is the possibility to do something again as a couple, or to go out with friends. The children also enjoy being with their grandparents. You kill two birds with one stone. Don’t keep on kidding the kids: parents don’t have to play, paint and tinker with their kids around the clock. You can also take some time out to relax. When parents signal to their children that they like to be bored, they are left alone at some point. The children understood that mom or dad sometimes need a few minutes for themselves.

Partner time a day: At least ten minutes a day should be spent with the partner. It is up to you whether men and women exchange ideas, cuddle or just sit together. Togetherness is important.

Half an hour with the children: Spending half an hour concentrated and intensive with the children is better than sitting in the children’s room with shared attention for a few hours and not showing 100% interest.

Hobbies: Regular activities that are fun for a parent promote happiness. Inviting other parents can also take the stress out of everyday life. The children also benefit from being able to play with known children. Parents exchange information and sometimes it is good to learn that you are not alone in your everyday problems.

Parents who take some of this advice to heart are well on their way to becoming happy and satisfied parents. Your children also benefit from this, in their development, in their image of people, in their entire personality.

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Christina Cherry
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