Sleeping in a family bed: this is how long a child can sleep in a parent's bed

by Katja Schneider September 7, 2017 at 8:35 am

Don’t you say that sleep is a human creeping into itself? How is that supposed to work when night after night the child slips into the parents’ bed and deprives us of our sleep and, um, excessive sex? We are in a dilemma: Allowed to are we therefore refusing admission to the sweet bed to the parents’ bed? Child psychiatrist Dr. Gerd Schulte-Körne, tell us.

When we wake up angry in the morning, with a twitch in the back and eyelids like knotted cushions, it is most likely due to an interference field in the bedroom: the child’s leash, which has the night with all its little fists and feet (how many does such a child actually have?) And acrobatic Has once again deposited in the crevice.

Cute, that is. And good for the child, right? But gradually we are concerned about our marriage and our beauty sleep. Hm, are we bad mothers if we refuse to admit the sweet grub to the parents’ bed? Child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr. Gerd Schulte-Körne from Munich University Hospital encourages us:

"Protection and relaxation in the parents bed"

It’s definitely good for the child to sleep in the parents’ bed, isn’t it??

Yes of course! This is particularly useful in the first few months of life, when the mother is breastfeeding her child. Babies and toddlers do very well to sleep with their parents, which is due to evolution. You feel protected and are more relaxed. But children should sleep in their own bed at the latest from primary school age. This is important if you want to develop into independent people.

And if it doesn’t work? What are we doing wrong when the child goes to bed with their parents every night?

Every child has a different personality. Anxious children tend to seek protection at night, also because they give up control of their senses. Sometimes it is also due to the parents, especially the mothers …

"Mothers don’t want to part with the child"

Oh … really now?

Well, many mothers want their child to sleep with them. They are, at least unconsciously, afraid of being separated from the child.

Hm, and the Husband is pushed off the edge of the bed?

If the child sleeps in their parents’ bed for years, it will most likely put a strain on the partnership at some point.

How can we help our children sleep in their own bed??

Most of the time, children develop the desire to sleep alone. If not, the sleeping conditions for the child may not be optimal. Then a few tricks help: The child should feel comfortable in his bed, so the atmosphere must please him. Maybe a little night light and a sleep ritual will help. Reading a bedtime story together comfortably in the children’s room can be very comforting for the child.

"Sleeping in your own cot is important!"

Very important: Parents should try to consistently put their child to bed at a regular bedtime and lovingly encourage them to stay in their own bed. This will likely have to be repeated many times before it works. Do not give up!

How consistent you have to to be mom and dad? There can be no exception?

Yes, of course. Sometimes families have special stresses, serious illnesses, disputes, separations or death. Then older children are looking for protection and security in their parents’ bed again. It is then crucial that this should only be temporary. In general, there can be exceptions, but only when the child has got used to sleeping in their own bed.