How to talk to children about separation or divorce?
Separation or divorce is difficult for children to understand. How to help a child break up?
Tips on how to help a divorced child deal with the separation. Image © detailblick – Fotolia
Dr. Doris Wolf, psychotherapist
A separation from your partner is a difficult time not only for you, but also for your child.
Your child probably wants to be the same as before: a real family with father and mother.
Since this path is not feasible for you and your ex-partner, it is important to consider how you can best help your child to cope with the separation of the parents.
If the separation pain and bitterness are still very great for you, the following strategies are not easy to implement.
The better you can deal with the separation / divorce yourself, the easier it will be for you to talk to your child about the separation.
My coping with separation information may help you to deal with your separation.
Help your child after separation
1. Don’t talk bad about your ex-partner.
If you accuse the partner and talk hatefully about him, the child will come into a conflict of loyalty.
It no longer knows who to believe and whom to trust. Most of the time it cannot understand why it should suddenly no longer love dad or mom.
2. Don’t express your anger at the ex over the kids.
Your anger may be justified, but children are not the right addressees.
Write a letter to the ex-partner stating your allegations, but wait a while before submitting. Talk to friends about your injury.
3. Give your child the opportunity to talk about their feelings.
Like you, your child goes through various phases of coping with separation.
It struggles to bring them back together, then experiences fear and sadness. Perhaps his loss can only be seen in unusual behavior.
4. Support your child in keeping in touch with your ex-partner.
Most problems after the separation do not arise from the separation, but from the fact that the ex-partner suddenly disappears from the child’s life.
It can generally lose trust in people and develop fear of closeness.
Arrange for regular meetings or phone times – unless the ex-partner poses real danger to the child or refuses to meet.
5. Learn to accept separation as part of your life and look to the future instead of struggling with the past.
Stop yourself again and again "Just why?" or "How can he do this to me?"-To ask questions.
Both partners are usually involved in a separation. Instead, ask yourself: How do I want to shape my future life??
6. Seek help from a separation coping group or a psychotherapist.
Get help if you notice that you are very aggressive or depressed for a long time.
7. Communicate to your child that they are not to blame for the separation.
Some children get lost in the belief that they are to blame for the separation of their parents.
Therefore, tell your child that their behavior has nothing to do with marriage problems and separation. Also tell him that mom and dad still love it.
Thank you for giving me your time. I have been helping people deal with personal problems for 35 years. I find a balance to my professional activity in Nordic walking, meditation, Jin Shin Jyutsu and the baking of delicious cakes & biscuits.
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