My child doesn’t want to go to kindergarten anymore

Our reader’s daughter liked going to kindergarten for three years. But she has been crying for a short time and does not want to go there anymore – the teachers say that nothing has happened. Our expert Susanne Egert gives advice.

Sometimes everything can suddenly change for children

Parent question on the topic "Child no longer wants to go to kindergarten"

My daughter went to kindergarten for three years without any problems. She never cried, there were no problems. She has been crying since the week before last and does not want to leave. In the evening before going to bed, she says that she doesn’t want to go to kindergarten. I don’t know what to do. I already had a conversation with the teachers, but nothing happened in kindergarten, I was told.

What can I do?

Our expert Susanne Egert, psychologist, answers:

People do nothing for no reason, and your child has reasons for the change that it is obviously burdening. Even if the adults have not noticed anything that could be the cause, the children sometimes perceive it completely differently, perhaps even in the opposite way. And only that is decisive! It always depends on how the person in question perceives things – even if 80 million Germans see the same thing differently.

The first step is therefore to ask yourself whether in kindergarten, in the family or in another important area of the child’s life.

For example, a new child or kindergarten teacher. Changed rules and changed procedures, higher demands on the children because they are no longer among the "small" belong, can irritate a child, because solid structures provide support. Or maybe you are frightening a new child who becomes palpable or has even threatened your daughter.

Sometimes the children snap up something from an adult conversation and misinterpret it, rhyme something together. They then worry, develop fears that the parents have no idea about. For example, when the grandma died and the parents talk about her being "fell asleep peacefully". The child listens unnoticed and suddenly does not want to go to bed in the evening or for an afternoon nap in the daycare center, does not want to sleep and struggles with hands and feet – because it is afraid of falling asleep. "Fall asleep like grandma, and then don’t wake up again". It is not uncommon for children to take what they have heard literally and then fear terrible things.

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